Happy Anniversary Mom

My mom and I have had an interesting relationship for as long as I can remember.  Lots of love and a little frustration.  39 years ago today she married my dad in California, and today is the first time she wont have him next to her to celebrate.  Now I get that he is in heaven and "looking down" as it were but right now my mom struggles with missing the warm hand caressing her cheek, the laugh that calmed her and the request for coffee at 4am.  She refuses to sleep in the bedroom, instead most nights sleeping in the recliner we bought for dad for his return home.  She finds herself still upset at God, but each day I believe she gets stronger.  It is so hard watching someone you love so much go through such pain.  Words really aren't as soothing as I wish they were and a mention of memory of dad gets laughter then tears.

 Growing up she was the one on her knees praying for her kids.  She fought for us, even if she unleashed her tirades at the wrong teacher or schoolyard bully a time or 2.  When I was younger, I lashed out at mom and told her I wanted "God to get her" for how she treated me.  She in turn got the operator on the line and had them pretend to be the direct extension to Heaven or the Police and by the end of it I was crying....noooooooo mommy I do love you.  She loved to wear scarves on her head, but when she did we would joke that they made her mean so we would hide them from her.  Through all that and our various love life questions (Mom why does random grade school girl not like me, mom why does random middle school/high school girl not like me, is it because of my legs, What do you mean Erin likes me, mom you are crazy.....)  she was there holding our family together. 

Life is funny, you get only a certain amount of years on this earth believing your parents are amazing, then stupid, then weird, then a brief visit back to stupid, then you realize they love you so deeply its beyond comprehension and you view them in truest sense as beautiful people that sacrificed so much just for their kids.  So we honor her today by saying mom we will fall short of those qualities but we will take care of you and love you.  There may be a hole in your heart that only time and God can fill, but we will try our best to hold that heart up.  My parents passion was us, My parents love was towards us, and our parents legacy was us.

 Mom we love you, we will help you & we will honor you.  Dad would want that, and I can only speak for myself but we want that too.  Love you mom

I'm 37...I'm not old

It has been very interesting to say the least these recent days.  So today was a bit more of a struggle than I expected.  But just a quick note

I have quite an interesting collection of friends and am very thankful for what you bring to my life.  I am richer for knowing you wether we agree on many things or few.  During this difficult time, I have found strength from so many friends.  So I am encouraged for what this next year will bring.  That I can be a better father and husband.   That I can bring honor to my father, and strengthen friendships.   That I can finally lose this weight.  That I can finally sit down and write this book.  Take time over the next few days to talk to each other, to put away old grudges and come together.  Laugh, encourage, complain but just move forward one day at a time.  So all my love and respect and if you need me, you know where to look.

Good Morning Dad

I started back at work today after an extended period of time off, to try to begin to deal with the loss of my Dad.  Having the peace that he is in heaven is such a great comfort, but I find myself fighting other feelings and frustrations that under any other circumstance would just not exist.  I took the girls to school today and as they opened the door the looked up to the sky and said "Good morning Papaw"  "We miss you"  "I hope you are having a good breakfast"  I've spent the last couple of nights dealing with thoughts of jealousy, bitterness and anger.  I've asked for distance but yet get upset when I haven't heard from folks, I mean what sense does that make?  My goal is to live a life honoring to my father and assess where I am as a person.  I can only do that one day at a time with the help of my amazing wife, children family and friends.  So for today I end with this:

Good Morning Dad

I miss you

I hope you are having a good breakfast

Time to Rest

Time to rest soldier your work on Earth is done

You have fought the last battle, the last race has been run

The mansions up in glory need a handyman that's great

someone perhaps wearing a Nascar cap with the Number 48

We miss you already no words could accurately say

 how you impacted us every single day.

Your life was one of service love and devotion

of sacrifice and patience of every noble notion

You certainly got mad at times and though your words might have made a sailor blush

You respected others and you loved us all so much.

So rest my weary soldier in the arms of the Savior, blessed assurance our faith does not waver

No need to worry about mom now she is right by our side however we are a poor substitute for you are

always on her mind.

Just past the clouds beyond the sunset we know you wait.

To greet us all one by one as we enter Heaven's gates


Stephen Bridgers anything but a common man, an extraordinary man who left a legacy to his family of respect, hard work and love.  May we continue that, one day at a time

1,000,000 things I want to say and 2,000,000 ways I want to say it.

I woke up this morning, to a call from my brother that Dad had a fever and was having complications with his lungs.  It seems as though for the past 2 weeks, every day there is a call and with it a sense of rising dread. I arrived and sat by his bedside in the ICU for about 3 hours and talked to him while the very kind nurse comforted me and offered my a warm blanket and apple juice.  I sat transfixed at my father watching his every breath in hopes of a moment of lucidity as I bored him with stories of the previous days events.  I made sure that he knew that we loved him, that we were proud of him and he was so brave for going through his 2nd surgery in 2 weeks.  His hair has gone mostly gray, with a few sports of dark hair remaining and it was all i could do not to cry when I would see tears form in his eyes as they would move to check him. 

Various doctors came in throughout the day at it seems that now treatment will take a bit longer.   By the end of the evening he finally awoke and we gradually went back into pairs to see him.  I finally saw his eyes and a moment of a smile as he talked briefly to my uncle apologizing for something then apologizing to my wife and then looked at me and said, "I have 1,000,000 things I want to say to you and 2,000,000 ways I want to say it."  Figuring he had discovered my midnight trips to the Mexican border, I did not know how to react.  He also said, "I want you to write something on the computer for me to read."  So if you will allow me a moment more of your time I shall share with you a few of those things he would like me to say on his behalf:

Thank you Lord for giving me another day

Thank you Lord for my precious wife of 39 years we are a matching pair and you have been with me through thick and thin.  You are very precious to me, and you dont have to make me anymore hot dogs on a piece of bread for at least a month!  I love you

Thank you my sons and daughters for getting through this difficult time with only minor injuries.  I am sorry for not always being there for every event but I worked hard to keep food on the table and clothes on your backs.  Thank you for taking care of your mother.

Tara:   I gave you a lot of grief through this but thank you for making me go to the doctor.  I love you Chey, and you too Devin.  Dusty come fix my carburetor (not responsible for misspelled car part names)

David:   I am so proud of who you have become you work so very hard and you never give up, Tara you are perfect for him also...can you pay me while I am in here maybe throw in a little overtime.  Brittany, Nikki & Scott I love you too.

Julie:   Your mom and I love you very much and want you to succeed in life you can do it you just got to get off your rear and do it. (I say rear but you know what dad would really say :-)  ) We love Connor and are so thankful for him

Tracy:   Thank you for staying with me, you are good mother and you tried to rub my feet, it was a decent attempt but only Kevin knows how to rub them.  We love you Maryanne, Rebekkah, Lauren, Christian

Gina:   I am so sorry for all those years I didnt see you and Tim, I do love you and I will make more of an effort to communicate with you.

Carolyn:   I appreciate you and Bobby & Bo coming out to see me.  I wish I lived closer thank you so much for loving and praying for me.

Erin:   I love you and I am impressed with your determination and love.  Serena, Pay-Pay, Katrina & Collin Papaw and Mamaw love you honey.

Obviously there are so many people dad would like to thank but I will leave at that to say this.  Enjoy this thanksgiving whether its you and your cat or you and 23 friends.  There is so much to be thankful for and so little time to express it.  Put aside the differences and Put family back together, wherever they are.  Spend, record, receive every moment that it give you strength during those days and months when you are weary.  Play board games, watch football, make jokes, smile, reflect on all that has been given to us.  Because we are never promised tomorrow, I am just thankful dad got to today.  Hey dad stop reading and go back to sleep!

Where the rubber meets the road

I cant sleep, I spend more time now thinking of things to calm me as we go down more of a rougher road than I was expecting. 

Dad has struggled and is still in the hospital, needing a second surgery which was needed it seems in part due to some nurse issues.  He sits in the recovery room right now sedated in part to let his body rest.  He looks like he's lost some weight which puts me back in the lead for "family gut of the year."  The surgeon told mom to go home today because "pardon me ma'am but you look like hell."  

I honestly don't know which end is up right now.  It sure is easier when times are better to sit down on Thanksgiving and thank the Lord for all he has given us.  However when the boat really rocks do we sit still and know God is really there and listening or do we jump out of the ship?  It really is a struggle at times.  Then I come home and there are my biggest supporters.  Daddy, we are going to have a humming contest want to join us.  So I join in and for about 30 minutes we have a "contest" followed by some bedtime stories and talks about what is going on with papaw.  So I climb back onto the boat and the waves hit, It is well with my soul sounds good.  Funny how the Lord knows just who to use to get me back on board.  Dad please come home, I need to hear those stories again, I need to hold your hand to see if my grip is stronger than yours.  I need you to come to my garage to look for random things to take home to "fix." 

I just need you

Dad

Tomorrow is Veterans Day, a day which is set aside to thank and remember those who serve and have served our country.  I am fortunate to have a father who served in the Marines and is very proud of that, as he was stationed in California he never had to go to war but he was prepared to do so. 

He lies in a hospital bed at this moment 67 years old and filled with tubes and monitors.  He had a quadriple bypass today and he came through just fine.  While we sat there today comforting my mother telling her it will be just fine, when deep down in the core of yourself you have doubts, I thought of my dad.  My earliest memories were of him holding me on the couch after a long day at work or letting me watch him build things in the garage.  He was larger than life to me, a superhero who when I needed him, he was there with a smile and a hand to help me.  We drove once to meet a man I believe about some car parts and it was just me and him in his old pickup truck.  We picked up the parts and began to head home, I began to drift off to sleep and laid my head in his lap.  He scratched my head and sang to me a song, Abilene, Abilene, prettiest town I've ever seen Abilene.  I didnt get it but it was ok because he sang it to me.

He worked all the time, sometimes 10-12 hours a day.  Cable TV installer in its early days, forman, warehouse worker, ditch digger anything to put food on the table.  He would come over and slump into the chair, mom had a meal ready for him and he would ask me to rub his feet.  His feet ached so much and I loved him, so I'd rub and rub untill he would fall asleep in the chair.  He'd wake up early mom would hand him over a coffee cup and off he would go.  He did this for over 40 years, never missed a day, always dependible, always dad.  He can strike up a conversation with anyone and always has an opinion about something.  I swear he wore the same 2 outfits for decades as he didnt ask for clothes or shoes just a few tools if something was broken and a hot dog on a piece of bread.  Because of my legs I had to buy special shoes which cost a small fortune and I could only afford once a year,  so he would work extra hours so I could have those shoes.  This type of life made spending time with him hard, but when we did I always cherished it. 

My 1st baseball game was with him Reds vs Giants as we stood in line my father walked up to the front of the line got a policeman and asked if I could move to the front of the line as it was my first game and my legs were acting up.  The officer and crowd obliged him.  I began to believe he was magical.  We went down by the first base side to get autographs and there was the "Cobra"  Dave Parker signing autographs.  We got there as Mr Parker began to walk away.  I then hear "Mr Parker!!  Mr Parker!!  wont you sign an autograph for a handicapped child?!??  As I began to feel the pain of embarassment surrounding me I hear, Hey kid got something for me to sign, your dad really loves you.  I responded with the answer of MRRRPHLJ.  My dad is something else :-)  We spent the rest of the day at a dinner and began the drive home, I fell asleep my dad with his arm around me...."Abilene....Abilene.....(I really should ask him about that).

When I graduated high school, I was accepted to college and I began the process of preparing to leave.  It was down in eastern Kentucky and dad was to drive me down there.  We drove down in a 1984 Renault which got .08 miles to the gallon, and any speed beyond 55 mph the car would shake.  We were passed by every car for over 100 miles by the time we got to Berea, I was sure the car was to explode.  But we got there and dad and I carried my few boxes in.  As we finished up, he turned to me with tears in his eyes "I have never been more proud of you" he kissed me on the head and drove that little blue car back home.  He could have purchased a more reliable car but he wanted to make sure we could have a roof over our head and I could have a little spending money for school.

All these memories flood back to me as I ran to his room this morning just wanting a moment more to see him before they wheeled him in.  This man who to me is larger than life, who should be talked about instead of fame seeking reality show wives or sports figures.  Loving his family for 40+ years, giving till he could give no more laying on that bed looking helpless, fragile and scared.  Dont worry bout me son, I'll be fine  Ill be fine I'll be fine.  I dont want to be at this point at my life regardless of what I believe, I want him to be young again watching westerns with me, singing songs with one verse, working on project that never get finished.  I dont want to see my mother look so fragile and lost without him on the verge of passing out.  I want her to live on singing elvis records to me, getting frustrated at dad and throwing pillows at him.  I dont get to change the past I have to cherish now. 

So Erin and I went into to see him after the surgery and we had just a few moments.  I held his hand and stroked his hair as he lay there asleep.  I told him how much I loved him and joked that he will get the snow blower he wants this Christmas and I notice the nurse taping a "Happy Veterans Day" sign to his door.  I thanked her for the gesture and began to walk out, but dad in case you didnt hear me I sang you a song....."Abilene Abilene....prettiest town I ever seen"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1b2M8u90yQ

"Elephant Shoe"

We met through her brother who let me know that she needed help with College Algebra.  I was tutoring kids at a private school after leaving college and finding myself with no direction in my life.  My best friend had died a couple years earlier, and as of yet I did not drive.  My mother would take me to the school and pick me up at then end of the day.  I was drifting and lost and feeling sorry for myself.  She and I happened to go to the same church so I approached her one day.

So I hear you need some math help?

Um...yeah..you see...I ....well its just that

You need math help?

Yeah um sure can you...help me

I was unaware at the time but this was secret code for (I really like this guy, or hubba hubba)

I rode home with her after church and started to help her.  I stayed in the kitchen, as it was nearest to the door just in case her 6 foot 10 brother or 6 foot 6 brother would come after me.  I would have time to make it down the 24 steps leading to the driveway and maybe i could flag down a car.

After a period of time in which I very slowly discovered she liked me (my mother had to tell me) I began to pray.  My relationships were all of 3 at that point each ending within a month or so as being loving sweet and kind were frowned upon in general in favor for rough and mysterious (think "Cool Rider" in Grease 2...if anyone other than me watched that).  Although to be fair I believe I like every girl in high school at one point or another.    I was older and at this point I wanted something meaningful something that would last. I had no idea how wonderful it would become.

We began to date and out 1st date was to catch a play at NKU called "Hotel Baltimore"  bad choice for a 1st date.  We held hands and soon went to the Baptist Student Union where it was asked if I had the Jesus "thing" (Is this a medical problem?).  It was nice to get out and be together, learning about those things that she found funny, which was everything at the time I mean I was a comic genius in her eyes (which has been replaced with stares and the nodding of the head).  She would write me notes and give them to her brother to give me, which may have helped him to begin to resent me.  Her father began to let her know that I wasn't a man because i didn't work in the field and didn't drive.  These are man's hands he would show her and after much badgering she broke up with me....

For about 6 hours...

"I don't care what he says I love you"  (these words may come back to haunt us in 15-16 years Serena, Katrina Payten don't read this blog)

So we dated, and after 2 years (Which in Kardasian years is 137 give or take)  I asked her to marry me and thankfully she said yes.

We've had many adventures Erin & I, she is my biggest supporter and critic.  Through her love and support I finally learned to drive, found a steady job, graduated college and became a foster and adoptive parent.  She is amazing and she is still learning and trying to find sweet ways to put her love in action.  We hope to build/buy a home in the next couple of years to where we can watch our family grow as our home is too small for the love we have.  For her love is more than a word, its an action.  No reason for this blog other than to say I love you or "elephant shoe" as we used to say.

Cuddles

Mommy and I had not been foster parents long when we received the call that you were just born and needed a family to watch over you.  At this moment in time our experience with children was limited to my nieces who went home after the weekend was up.  We drove to the hospital our hearts filled with nervousness, confusion, excitement.  There you were wrapped in the tiniest blanket, with a tiny card that said "Girl Russell"  I mean who names a girl russell?

After mommy explained the way names worked, the nurse asked if we wanted to hold you.  Can't I just push her around, I mean I will drop this baby or try to feed her a hamburger or something.  All training I had a that moment went south.  She was born with cocaine in her system and she looked so tiny so fragile is the Cabinet sure its ok if I take the baby home?  Few minutes your older sister arrived crying and that made 2 heading home.  My first night was laying near you while you were in the bassinet thinking.  Can we do this, I mean really.

As you grew all I wanted was to see you smile, and boy did you do that.  You would come home from your visits with your birth family and the moment our eyes met you moved up and down and couldn't wait for me to hold you.  Maybe we can do this after all I pondered as you played on the floor and your big sissy wanted to hold you.  You would tremble so much at night I learned later in part due to the withdrawals.  How would someone...wait blaming doesn't help I need to get back to feeding you.

Erin and I would take turns as you cried at night, I recall a few times missing the bed after i laid down falling in the floor, one time even destroying a trash can in the process (I do this alot as you will learn).  Then we learned you had problems with your ears, then your heart all the while learning diaper changing (sorry bout the first 100 or so) and feeding.  You would just smile.

When we found many months later you were going home, so much had changed you had a new sister who we were close to adopting and she found you to be interesting and loved to hug you.  Your older sister's hair grew curlier and curlier and she loved to help feed you.  But here we were hearts about to break at the thought of the two of you going home to your birth parents.  We did all we could do, figuring we would never see you again.  Then the phone rang.....and everything changed.

You ask me to lay down with you just about every night, you love makeup and princesses and now want me to find "princessdressup.com"  You get a little rowdy you like to scream at random points but you are amazing.  You went from little quiet cuddles to a big 6 year old.  I wrote a poem for you

Katrina with your eyes of blue
piercing through my heart
All doubts and fears that I have
when holding you fall apart

Katrina you always make me smile
I cannot believe you are mine
as the years pass and days role on
I will love you for all time

You dance with me now and call me your prince, I know that some day long long long long long long long long down the road you will find a new prince.  We rejoice at the honor of being parents and getting to love and take care of you.  I cant wait to see whats next with you.  I love you cuddles.

Love Daddy

In his defense...he was tired.

In my line of work you have to deal with people pretty much non stop during the day.  I deal with simple orders, and difficult people.  I come home to a loving wife and 4 kids who are a gift from God.  They bring out the best and worse in me.  My life is filled with fun and intersting things.  However in the ups and downs of life its impotant to remember that there are many friends that do love and care for you.  Sure you might have differences of opinion on matters of politics, faith and such but Id wonder about the level of friendship if there wasnt at least a few differences.  So we sat tonight and joked at my expense (I mean whats wrong with wanting to buy the Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic MMORPG and have a room at some point in your life where you proudly display your nerdery).  These friends still look at you and smile when your kids decide since people are here they must use them as carnival rides or honk their noses as a form of communication.  You can joke about things when you are in your 30's that seemed like life and death when you were 18.  I dont pretend to know everything, I am still learning to be a husband and father and friend.  But so thankful for those that are still along for the ride.  Someday in our new home we'll sit around the fire hopefully still joking about goofy things talking about our kids and tring to wake Jason up although in his defense he was tired.

Great moments in Customer Service Hisssssssstory!!

This is the blog post 13.5 years in the making!  As you may be aware I work as a Customer Service "Specialist" (I was a Representative but I went through a series of adventures to gain reputation points to gain the new title).  I sit at a computer 8 hrs a day taking calls from a wide array of people.  These are their stories.

Customer #1  Mr John Q Dealmaker sends me a chat message (I do customer service online chat...see above "Specialist" title)  It starts as follows:

JQD:  Hello...I see you h...... (Hello how can you see me...im inside the internet)
JQD you have a magazine, i want to buy it and start with an earlier issue (ok but im not sure i want to give it to you as you can see me it makes me intensly uncomfortable)
KEV I can help you with that but you will need to call me as i dont take orders over chat ( I've tried its just very time consuming and almost always they ask for things that havent been in print since 1997)
JQD I want you give me that earlier issue for free...I'm serious (Not impossible but we charge for back issues...and I know you are serious...and dont call me Shirley)
KEV Well we sell the back issues for 8.00 (cheaper if they order more than 1) give me a call.

We end the chat and he calls a few minutes later

JQD "So you going to give me the issue for free and a discount on the magazine subscription?"  (Um does he have something on me since he can "see me"now he wants a discount and a free magazine)

KEV No sir I will however sell you the back issue for 4.99 and the subscription is 24.00

JQD"Hehe (strange laughter) its a great day (sure) Its a great day to make a deal I think with me.

KEV Sir....I've made a deal with you already

JQD Well you can do better than that

KEV Im not a car salesman sir.  (after almost 14 years of manning the phone, I can sense when the call is going south and I need to be firm, words do have power unless you are this guy).

JQD Well dont you give discounts to clergy? (Yes, and to folks in need, veterans, soldiers, schools, businesses, outreaches, charity groups probably Wal-Mart, Petsmart and Larry's house of Tires if they called.. but they generally dont ask to the point of madness....why couldn't he have mentioned this a bit earlier, and for all I know he just got his clergy license at Kinkos/FedEX)

So then the old saying "the customer is always right"  (groan) popped in my head and I remembered a discount we recently had for new subscribers.

JQD Seeeeeeeeeeeeeee now you made me happpppppppppy (yep said it just like cobra commander yeah and now I have heartburn)


So stayed tuned till next time when I talk of the customer and her puppy...... this has been great moments in Customer Service Hisssssssssstoryyyyyyyyyyy

1600 Times at least

So it seems at least after about a month now, that this exercise routine is starting to work.  I cant recall hurting so much but yet having so much more energy.  My legs havent hurt like they used to, for at least a week now.  With this progress is also the struggle I continue to have with the food.  I love tasty food and old Kev loved to grab a variety of good things and sit here downstairs eating them when I was stressed about the kids or work or Erin or the combo of all of these things.  I've reached this point in my life where I just cant settle for the same old pattern.  This really feels different this time, I just hope I can stick with it, lots of motivators even some I cant mention.  Tonight I came in and I looked at Payten and saw her beautiful blue eyes.

Payten, have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?

1600 Times at least daddy...whew

Yeah you tell us I love you alot too.

Yeah I guess I do

Best Buddies

Somehow it still just doesn't seem possible to me, that I am a father.  I grew up in a period of time where fathers on TV were doctors whose wives were also lawyers and family problems were solved 30 minutes or less.  Greatest catastrophes usually involved discovering the report card had been altered or that someone....might be smoking.  Steve Urkel would then exclaim "Did I do that?" canned audience laughter and see you next week.

Been going to a Wednesday night activity for a little over a year now and recently Collin has come of age to where he can join in on the fun.  There are games and songs and activities with a Christian theme to them, the girls enjoyed them last year and Collin is so excited to go.  He and I at this point in our lives "best buddies" which after I ask him if we are he smiles hugs me and gives me the thumbs up sign.  It is the simple things that bring me joy.  We've dropped him off with our last moment for the next hour and half is the thumbs up and the "I uv u daddddddie."  Off he goes and for just a moment I have a retirement commercial vision, where he is 30 and coming to my house to thank me for telling him about the Gerber life insurance plan.  His last couple of visits however have ended with a phone call asking to pick him up as he just a little too interested in grabbing others a little too tight.  The first time resulted with him having to skip a week while we explained the finer points of non-tackle friendship, we extended this out for two weeks and were confident that we were behind it. 

"Mr Bridgers, I don't want to have to make this call"  Where is my comedic comeback to this moment, where the audience laughs as I make Rudy clean his room?  This time a little too touchy to a little child and a call to both sets of parents.  I go to pick him up and there my little buddy is between 2 teachers, he runs to me and give me a big hug.  "He is really a sweet boy" (Yes he is just got energy in spades)  "Would you like the teacher to tell you of the incident" (Can I just say "Did HEEEEEEEE do that? laugh and call it a night?).  Sigh.....I just don't....well Erin and I have been working with....I am very sorry.  I can make excuses with the best of them I assure you, but all I could do is look at my best buddy and remember when he came to us orange, on the verge of organ failure, thinking back to Valentines Day when I got to shout at the rooftops "He's mine!" He's come so far his speech improving daily yet, in his first real time with kids his own age with out me and Erin near him he's struggling.  Am I not being consistent enough? 

Then I hear these words, "We know hes just a little boy trying to have fun, how can we help him?"  I struggle to formulate an answer as Erin has the van warmed up long enough for me to toss the kids in and speed off.  Apparently my son is quite loved there and no one wants to see him go, an hour or so later we discover the child he was too rough with is the child of the friend of Erin who wanted us to come.  "We know Collin is great, please don't take him out, we would love to help too" 

In foster parenting one big point that is hammered over and over again is make sure you have support as the road to their adulthood is filled with problems not easily solved as soon as the sensitive sitcom music begins to play.  It takes friends and family, mommies and daddies to get through this storm.  You may look at this and think this isn't a really big deal, but if I don't have a plan for the small moments how do I get through the big ones down the road...you know when Collin goes for a joyride in the principals car and crashes it and Zack and Kelly aren't there to help him (Saved by the Bell reference for the win).  Now if you will excuse me I have to lay back down with my best buddy.  Cue my music......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ym2PaYk2DU&feature=related

PS  Erin I love you...you are a great mom

The Great Escape

Erin and I aren't really adventurous travellers well I should say I am not, I tend to get sweaty at the thought of having to go across the Ohio River to the zoo.  Erin tried to book a trip to Chicago a few years ago and I whined a trip to Gatlinburg instead as I was nervous about hailing a cab.  I'm telling you its sad.  This time however I looked forward to the trip the Louisville with the missus as  we needed to get away.  We love the kids but my eyes needed to spend time seeing my wife and not the dents and holes in the house so it was time to go.  Erin is the driver and I am the navigator and this arrangement has worked well over the years, as I inspire fear when I drive. I mean 70 is just the suggested speed right?!??

We arrived at the town of Louisville in the early afternoon and quickly settled into our room.  We had reservations at a revolving restaurant known as RIVUE which is located at the top of the Galt House.  The Galt House is a shrine to Erin as she always recalls her days of FHA where they visited here on a trip.  However over the years we have never stayed here, mainly due to its 300.00 a night stays....may want to check the Campbell County FHA class of 97 books...who was the president or vice president during that time...lets just grab the ole yearbook...Erin Sebastian....oh crap.  Well in her defense I was voted most likely to succeed and nicest guy in 1994.  Moving on...

Revolving restaurants have always interested us, I took Erin to the one near us right after I proposed and again on our 10th anniversary, we also went to a restaurant last year in Indianapolis very nice.  However the review on RIVUE good food but alot of views of their dinner plates and walls, seemed like they gave up on the view 3/4 of the way in.  We did spend a great deal of time learning of cheeses and examining long plates with tiny bits of food.  I think they call the rest of the plate, presentation.  My wife across the table however is even more beautiful when we 1st met.  Going to make sure she knows that every day till the last.  Which I felt was coming soon as we walked back to the hotel.  We walked everywhere and my legs were feeling it.  Ever since I focused on losing weight and have lifted weights and walked more than I have in at least 10 years I needed a push.  We walked everywhere during our stay, I drifted out of consciousness 2 or 3 times, but at least Erin got a nice compliment from the toothless man at the gas station.  We arrived at the room where I slumped onto the couch and Erin helped me to bed and as we drifted off into sleep i look forward to.................breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep what the?!!? Erin what day is it, what do you mean put on a shirt, fire go downstairs.  So we ran down 6 flights of stairs and out the side door and awaited the Fire Trucks (which we took pictures of for Collin).  Seems little Jimmy pulled the Fire Alarm....Erin I cant walk anymore think Ill sleep in the van.

Saturday I noted was different as Collin was not jumping on the bed, and Payten wasn't doing flips into Collin causing him to bounce off the floor.  We awoke and I felt from the nights prior events surely we'll use the van...nevermind lets walk to the baseball museum.  On our way we made friends!  I needed a moment to rest not long after we left and we sat at the bus stop.  Around the corner comes this man..The names have been changed to protect the idiots.

Man....Hey man can you use your ID for me?
Erin (on pretend phone call) excuse me sir
Me I beg your pardon
Man Can you all use your ID for me I am trying to pawn this over here (He pulls out a denture with one gold tooth attached) *author note* he appears to have all his teeth.
Me: Sir Im not sure what...
Man I mean who needs an ID Im a man who just got out of the penitentiary, I don't need no Massey Ferguson-ing ID (words changed because I wanted to find different words for MF'in and I watch alot of tractor videos...oh wait Im drifitng)
Unified US-Sorry we cant help you we got to goooooooooooo
ME- Why cant we drive again?


It was a pretty big tooth....

More tomorrow

Dear Kevin

Dear Sir,

Greetings and well met.  It has come to our attention that you desire a change in your life.  It seems you have come to some sort of conclusion that sitting on the couch is no longer desirable.  We do have the ability to provide you with a more comfortable couch if you so desire.  Our team of dietitians are willing to continue the Coca Cola regimen, followed by the fried Chicken and Doritos.  We do see here that Taco continues to be your favorite, and can request the late night diet of Frosted Flakes if you so choose.

Exercise is a bit overrated, I mean you have a busy schedule of work 9-5 followed by resting on the couch from 6-7.  I would suggest relying on your wife to do most of the rearing of the children as you have that extra level of video game to accomplish.  We don't see why you would want to do anything different.  Just disregard that pain in your chest I hear wheezing is "cool" with today's modern adult. With your Cerebral Palsy the last thing you would want to do is *shudder* exercise.

We do hope you reconsider your desire to change, if you should desire come back we are waiting for you.

Best Regards

Your Excuses LLC

5 is greater than 236

Growing up, I would say I was active.  Living with Cerebral Palsy as a child in the 80's meant visiting the doctor to have my legs evaluated, purchasing special shoes twice a year to wear with my "magic legs"  (I had magic legs well before the Gump guy).  I played outside and played lots of "Robot War" "Space War"  "Princess picnic War (when I had to include my sisters).  Cable TV was still in its infancy and we just didn't have that kind of money needed for an Atari.  My brother and I had many wrestling matches he was "The Iron Shiek" and I was "Jimmy Superfly Snuka"  Now this wasn't intended to sound like on of those cheesy Facebook posts that I bet no one will post on their wall because they DONT LOVE PUPPIES!!  What I ate was quickly burnt off within the next day or so.  High School was more of the same,  Id eat but I did enough to keep in decent shape which I needed to be in to stay away from all those girls that...ran...after....me.... Ok they didnt.  Upon entering college, I discovered....cheesecake Tuesdays.  Berea College had what amounted to an island of cheesecake and I was hooked.  I may have taken cheesecake to class....

Today, I struggle to go up stairs, lifting the kids can be hazardous and outside is where I go to get into my car to drive to work.  I sit all day and I slump over exhausted when I get home.  Cerebral Palsy is difficult but the hardest problem I have now is my weight.  I am 236 pounds, and I feel like I'm dying.  I take at least 5 medicines a day and I have Sleep Apnea which means I have to wear a breathing machine just to sleep at night, and that sleep isn't restful.  I say these things to lay these cards on the table not for your pity, its time to change.  I believe I have the beginnings of the plan.  Going to begin to lift weights tonight and make some changes that hopefully will work.  Our plan is to take the kids to Disneyland in late May, and I want to be able to enjoy it without a motorized wheelchair.  I mean Erin has lost near 60lbs by simply changing her eating habits.  My goal is to lose 60 pounds.  My wife needs a husband that can help her, my kids need a father who can be there for them. I need to get this off my back, or chest, or stomach, rear....etc..... Every challenge in my life I have taken head on and for the most part have conquered.  I have to do this, I will do this, just watch, please watch and tell me to put down the cheesecake...

Heart exam

I loved kickball growing up, it was intense.  Going to a private school as a young child, it was the only game where everybody played.  You had the team captains who tried to pick the best players quickly so I generally was last.  Which was fine because more often than not it meant my brother picked me, I was his special weapon you see.  Part sacrificial lamb was I when I came up to kick.  David played to the crowd early reminding everyone of my fragile legs and tendency to fall before I got to first base so why not go easy on him.  I didn't mind so much I just wanted to kick.  My kicks never went out of the infield but I ran as though I was running from a wild stampede, each step possibly my last.  Then there was the falling, and the tearing of the corduroy pants (more patches for my pants thanks mom).  But at that base was my brother yelling at me to not give up, get mad Kev, get up Kev, they are going to get you Kev.  I got up.

Soon after we moved to public school and my brothers interest grew to cars and girls, but he always found time to play with me.  Our epic wrestling matches either concluded with me submitting to the camel clutch, or jumping from the top of the staircase as my favorite wrestler "Jimmy Superfly Snuka" did except the opponent layed still on the ground and David always rolled away.  Get up Kev *poke poke* are you still alive?  Oh yeah you are breathing.

He and I once had an epic battle with boards, in which one landed on my head and fastened itself there with a nail.  I thought it was cool to go inside and show mom as David ran up the street exclaiming "I did not do WHATEVER he said.  I was fine till I felt the blood coming down the side of my head, and I screamed.

I thought of these things as I sat with him at the hospital today while he had a angiogram done.  As I picked him up to take him to the hospital he was more concerned about my driving skills then his hospital arrival.  Don't worry Kev I'll be fine.

I thought back to the time as kids when I came home crying because a friend of his made fun of me and called me a few names not fit to print.  My brother disappeared and an hour later here appeared the boy, face bruised telling me he was sorry and he disappeared.  Or the time he wrote me a letter, right before he got married telling me to keep doing my exercises and that he loved me.  I feel sometimes I so freely tell people I care and love them almost to the point where those words may not have as much impact.  My brother says little in those regards, but when he does they attach themselves to me like pieces of armor that help me to press on during the day.  Get up Kev....Keep Going Kev...Feet down and straight Kev....You can do this.

We spent the day talking about ridiculous shows we watched and how i needed to support Erin and eat right to lose weight, we laughed at the old times where I nearly wrecked his 5-speed he tried to teach me to drive in, or today when I tried to turn left where there was no place to turn left.  Then there he was this larger than life person who always worked hard for everything that found things in me I didn't even know i had, lying there helpless.  Get up David, Get mad David you can do this.  Tonight he left the hospital to go to another hospital where his father-in law is dying of cancer.  I started to walk to my car when I heard, Kevin thank you and I walked back and we hugged.  My childhood hero hugged me and for that moment I was 10 again, and it felt just fine.  If you have a grudge tonight lose it, hug you kids, put others first.

The measure of a man

In honor of Keith

We couldn’t have been any different the day we met.  It was the 1^st day of middle- school; I was new to the area and very nervous.  I  do not really remember most of what  I wore but  I do remember wearing an old hand-me down leather jacket that was my brothers, it made me look cool…in a 1985 sort of way.  You and I met at the bus stop, you wore dragon earrings complete with red gems for the eyes and a Guns N Roses hat, shirt, pants and shoes.  You scared me to death; this is what most drug dealers looked in my Miami Vice imagination.  We greeted each other with the glance that men give to one another, a shrug and on the bus we went for the next hour and a half.  I wanted to know how things were at the school.  You said it was hell man, you better watch it….I was scared and then you laughed.  Our entertainment on those bus rides was a collection of tunes played from Brandon’s radio.  Surprisingly though there was no Huey Lewis played but lots of GNR.  Afternoons were spent with you and me and your sock puppet Mr. Evil that always was there to annoy the girls on the bus. We were much younger then.

I started visiting and we played Atari football, the thing I remember most about Atari football was what we called “The Dirty Trick’ where you could run off the screen and show up behind the quarterback on the opposite side for an easy sack.  He he Kevin you have beeeeen defeated you would say.  Wait till you go to sleep was my response always.  If we got bored we would go play with the tobacco sticks in the the holler (or holla...the deep part of the country where you would likely get eaten by a raccoon and never be seen again) by throwing them at each other, till one friend got hurt and we never saw him again (His magic shield failed apparently).

I lived in the country, back when you might go to the main town once a week apart from school, down old Highway 22.  It was a scenic route that passed a place known as four corners where on the corner was a little grocery store known as Covey’s Grocery.   As what may have amounted as a bribe at the time your grandmother bought us a yoo hoo and a snack cake to go to church with her.  We would spend that time trying to get your nephews first words to be “soy sauce” because it struck us as heelaaaaaaaarious.  His mother didn’t seem to think so when it happened it was quite the news.  “If we get into trouble we’ll just outrun them” you would say.  But we don’t drive I would respond as the straight man.  “They’ll be too tired chasing us to be mad and we’ll have to go home” was your response.  Always with a plan, we were much craftier then.

Summers generally meant being cut off from the outside world so we would walk to each other’s house, usually with comics in tow.  You like Conan and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, especially when I did the voices.  You loved to say by Crom, usually when your mother would make you try to clean your room.  We had the 1st of our 2 fights (once over comics, once over a girl) and we lost most of that summer being mad.  I wish I had that back.  Remember that time we rode to the mall and back in the back of your grandparents pickup down Highway 25.  They were below that on the speedometer.  The line behind them was like nothing I had ever seen. “Get a whip for your horse and buggy old man” was what they said to him as he finally pulled off the road.  We waved at everyone passing by as they in turn waved to us with one finger.  We were a little crazier then.

Winter we would play laser tag in the snow (complete with the vest, who cares that the snow will short out the gun!   We kept busy inside by making recordings of our adventures that we titled “The Adventures of Lisa the Hair Spray Barbarian after your sister as she faced off with the evil Bar-bo which was after your mother.  We made commercials and I recall recording a lot of variations of Hanz and Franz (we are going to pump…you up).  We laughed a lot and you would always have a commercial end in some variation of “Kevin likes to dance with Bowl-legged women.”  I have never been able to figure that one out.   It was easier then, it was fun, our biggest concerns were having money to rent the latest video game, having time to make cornflake chicken, taking short cuts to the house and sliding down a muddy hill with Lisa’s new leather jacket on… then we had to grow up.  Your sister was in the worst wreck I ever seen right near your grandmother’s house and you screamed.  We knew she was dead there was so much blood.  I ran to you and you cried and cried please Lord let her live, I am so sorry for all the things I’ve done.  She lived and you have lots of Nieces and a Nephew.  I have failed you in telling them about you, I have failed in a lot of things as a matter of fact.  College was around the corner and you told me we were going to get an apartment and read comics and make lots of chicken.  You finally got your license and we drove the back roads looking for ghosts (No Lisa for the last time it was a Wal-Mart bag, not a ghost).  Then I moved, and with it those summers walking down the dirt road to your house were gone.  But we were always going to be together. Till I got that call.

“I got the big C  Kev”  I am sick.  We thought Cancer was in movies, besides we had a road trip to plan and future adventures.  I even have a girlfriend now…wait Keith don’t cry I’ll be right there.  I spent the summer of 1994 getting ready to enter college and visiting you while you went through chemo, then a colostomy all the while thinking of spending more time with your family and friends.  I had in my mind I was going to do something amazing, be a great actor, comedian, something to get me out of Grant County,  you were coming with me, you just had to…I can’t do anything without you.

“You need to come home Kev, there isn’t much time…he’s asking for you”

Is this? A dream?  I saw him last week; we were in the hospital assembling Legos and were acting out the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle graphic novel.  I came home and down to that hospital and you were….hanging on.  You said “Kevin?!??” and went back to sleep.  That is the last thing I heard you say. None of this is real, none of this is real, and where is God?  Take me instead, my life is nothing compared to his!!  Who in the world did I think I was?  Couple of weeks later I was back at school and then you were gone, 17 years ago.  I remember a funeral with so many people, I remember talking to the crowd and reading a poem I wrote for you, I bet you got a kick out of that “Kev….um dude…a poem I think you might be a sissy heheheeh”  Shut it Keith I still have some of your poems.  I remember making promises I did not keep to people whose love I don’t deserve.  Nothing made sense.

I struggled going back to school and ran away, I came home and nothing was the same, no dirt roads, no comics, no long discussions about girls, and certainly no experimental chicken recipes.  (Corn Flake Chicken…masterpiece).  Every person I saw with leather jacket and medium length hair was you.  If not for a handful of people who were there I would not be here (Tara, Jeremy, Dave, Jason, Sonya, Chrissy, Kim) among others I simply cannot express my thankfulness for your help.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I’ve even messed these friendships up.  Even now I struggle with friendships it came so easy with you, now there seem to be too many hoops to jump through.   But in all of this there was a plan, one more card left to play Keith…one more turn

There is a hill off of Highway 22 (now called Taft Highway even the road names change) where you are buried.  It is one of the most beautiful places I know, the wide open sky it’s always so quiet.  Gives you time to think, gives you time to say hello and goodbye any way you wish.  We visited not so long ago, and through your passing I was able to receive the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for my family.  I met Erin who is as much my best friend as well as my wife and we became foster and adoptive parents to 4 precious children who are my greatest treasure.  They know who you are and I show them the few pictures I have of you as an example of a friend that sticks to you long after they are gone.  I’ve reconnected with Lisa which was like gaining back a lost piece of you and me, she’s as funny as she’s always was and her children, I know you see them but they are beautiful. Gran is even still with us; while when she saw me her 1^st words were “Kevin you have gotten fat” You should have seen the look on Erin’s face.   Then we have my main man, my best buddy my choo choo boy, your namesake Collin Keith Allen Arnold.  We adopted him on Valentine’s Day of all days.  Serena is your giving heart, Payten is your nerdy side, Katrina is your sensitive side, and Collin…well he’s a bit of a wildman.  I can never forget you, but maybe just maybe I can begin to heal.  Maybe it’s time to simply say Thank You Keith.

10.00 glass of coke

Greetings to one and all, small delay in blog production as spent the weekend helping my sisters move to various locals.  If there is one thing I have learned from moving, the next time we move (which will be upon moving into the house we hope to build/die in), it is to move light.  Hopefully we can fit in the 4 plastic dora chairs and 2 cardboard boxes that will become our dining area. 

I like to think that most of the time Erin and I do a good job in fooling others into thinking we are decent parents.  The raised voices you hear are not that of a father about to pull his hair out at the 2,300 oh wait 2,301st attempt of getting my 3yr old in bed, but instead me leading them in a dramatic reading of Robert Frost poetry....I went to turn the grass once after one Who mowed it in the dew before the sun...good job girls!  However I think for the most part it seems we get by day by day.  So many more victories than defeats.  Except for tonight...

Erin calls me and asks if I wanted to go to Red Lobster, or as we call it when we are being romantic "RL"  I have a mental checklist of things I go over to prepare for non drive-thru dining.  Feel free to use this for your dining needs.

1. Is it resonably priced (can I get away with 4 kids eating from 2 plates of random food)
2. Is the waiter young or old (old waiter might not come back, young waiter might come back hoping for tip)
3. How close are we to each other (open floor plan with table and chairs means collin's goona bolt)
4. Bathrooms near (no girls the lady is not going to come in the stall with you)
5. Is there music playing?  (It might drown them out, if the chocolate milk stops flowing)

I came there tonight with high hopes, well maybe minimum hopes that I would get the one item I sought endless shrimp.  Some hope for glory, cash or fame I simply want shrimp.  Erin arrived with my chioldrens and as always they were happy to see me and showered me with love, then fought over who was to sit by me.  Serena felt it was her turn and began the pre-whining stage.  Its kinda like the levels of terror alerts.

1. Pouty limp followed by low moaning-Erin or I warn her to get back on track or I try to defuse the situation by asking for the shrimp menu.
2. Tears and whining Erin or I remove her from the room and go speak with her about her behavior, not before asking for the shrimp menu (Maybe I can smell it)
3. Stomping of feet followed by load moaning of unfairness and crying.  This is the final stage...everyone goes in different directions, I begin to look at other tables for their shrimp.  My children heading twords the door thanking Serena for our dining experience.  Erin overhears a parent say "Is she even wearing shoes"  No maam I ate those in lieu of shrimp.  5.00 for drinks and 5 dollar tip for the patient man later we are home.

Tomorrow is a new day?!?? Right?!??   Hug your kids....buy frozen shrimp

I saw the light

You ever just feel so weary you are almost on auto pilot hoping that the generic responses you are giving to folks are just enough to get by, and if not you just don't care anyway.  That's how it seemed today until the end of the day when I was reminded whats important.

The county has spent the better part of a month working on the street in front of my house.  It started off well with the appearance of of county vehicles complete with hard hats, and equipment, and big trucks.  One side one week, other side the next about two weeks give or take.  Generally the two week response is the limit you are willing to give folks as anything beyond that seems silly.  Unless you are in construction apparently.  The first week began well, with the county breaking up the road, and the concrete company pouring the concrete and smoothing it out little by little.  Till the concrete company decides to take a vacation for a few days, because thats what you need after a few hours work is a vacation.  We then discovered that we were not the concrete company's primary concern as we were a "side job."  Admittedly I was annoyed but not as much as it was not on my side of the road.  Last week no work whatsoever from either side, at least some of that due to rain.  Perhaps they needed a vacation to remember the last vacation.  Needless to say its not been a fun time but then again maybe I am clueless I just don't know.  As a society do we pride ourselves on working hard or hardly working?  I dunno that got a little rantish so lets move on....

I left work tonight and had the pleasure of meeting some friends that Erin and I mentor through foster care through the State of Kentucky.  Its a program designed to support new foster parents in those early weeks to keep them encouraged and strong and keep them from burning out too quickly.  These folks are great people who have already had a number of placements in their home and have seen some of the issues but mostly the great joys of becoming a foster parent.  Hardly working is not in their category.

So I get home from late shift and then talking with them when I call Erin to figure out my parking situation.  Unfortunately I need to park farther down but at least I am thankful I am on the road.  I begin to walk up the sidewalk, figuring I would limp by the neighbor across the streets house a little more than usual since he allowed the college girls to park in his driveway.....stupid non out of shape people grumble grumble ...grumble stupid big hole in my street when I see the light...of what appears to be a flashlight coming towards me.  The sidewalk is in various stages of disarray and whoever is shining that light has it right on my eyes.  Then I hear "March...March...March....going to save Daddy March March, come on girls we have to get to Daddy and save him"  Here comes my 3 daughters led by my oldest...2 I know have problems with the dark...marching to me.  I called out to them and they told me "Mommy said we could walk you home"  Those 3 girls continue to shine their love right through my heart.  Cherish your children, seek to help others and if the frustrations of the world wear you down, keep pressing on you might just see some kids coming with a flashlight, you cant have them though they are all mine!!

I love you my sweethearts

We are who we thought we were

That line is famous from Dennis Green a former NFL football coach who after being defeated in a football game (too tired to go get actual footage sorry) rambled on in a press conference like few before him had. It was pretty funny, but the phrase seemed fitting considering today.

I had only been at my job for a little over 3 years and Erin and I had just recently celebrated our 1st anniversary.  I woke up that day getting ready for work as I did most everyday, Erin watching Saved by the Bell on TBS ( I'm soooooooooo excited......I'm soooooooooooo excited......Zach help me).  After I finished getting dressed I turned on the Today show where the headline was "Michael Jordan to come out of retirement to play for the Wizards" was the lead story.  Micheal Jordan did not need to come back, but the desire to play at a high level was too great or perhaps his gambling debts were so great that the Illuminati threatened him who knows.... I believe he had mediocre results and he wasn't quite what he thought he was

I arrive at work and put on my headset still filled with that youthful joy that says that the Customers are not bent on making me miserable and that one of my co-workers wasnt trying to sap my life force.  I wasn't far removed from the greatest tragedy in my life and had just gotten back to the point of dealing with things.  Then everything went numb

"Anyone hear anything?"
"Something about the World Trade Center"
"Why is someone calling me asking if I am alright"
"Erin why are you...huh what do you mean...that doesnt make wait they want us to go downstairs I'll call you back, I have been told to turn the phones off, yes I am ok honey I love you too"

Say what you will about where I work and what I do, but we stopped, the world stopped and we prayed.  I prayed with a guy named Pete, an older man who had been on trips to Israel and loved the Jewish people.  We cried.

I got home and Erin and I held each other, her family are not the huggy type that was a gene passed in spades in my family however.  But we held each other, we called friends, looked up in the sky and listened for planes.  It was so quiet, not like out in the country quiet but that uneasy quiet as you ponder what comes next.  As it became clear that a small group of attackers were responsible and their leader would spend the next ten years broadcasting his hate, it was clear this was time to figure out what  we were as a nation.  We were brave in the face of unspeakable horror, we were angry, we were loving, we were hateful, we were confused.  In that span of time we saw lawmakers standing on the steps singing God Bless America which if they stood together now it might be a bit uneasy.  We saw kindness on a global scale with so many workers came to the aid of those who fell.  Then I went to Wal-Mart..

Collin and I went to Wal-Mart today to get some supplies for the house and I am going down the road when I see off to the side a man on a bullhorn exclaiming "9/11 is a lie, it was an inside job"  They assembled their free speech right next to the BP complete with homemade misspelled sign "The Truth abouth 9/11 the Truth Cormission." 

I am easy going as can be but I found myself debating whether or not I could drive the car through their sign while getting gas.  Then I saw my son wave at them and say "Daddy they silly"  Yeah son they are but we are America a land of freedom beyond compare where those guys can have their sign, without fear of the police taking them away for questioning only to find themself in jail for many years.  Where I can raise my children to love others and help others and have compassion, where I am fortunate to have work and a roof over my head.  Where I can still go to church without fear of government shutdown.  We are blessed beyond measure and we are who we thought we were Americans who in the face of a great tragedy can still come together and face the challenges ahead.  Those attackers couldn't stand that.  May we never forget the sacrifices of so many for our freedoms.

Mornings with Pay-Pay

Saturday is a great day the children awaken before sunrise desiring to open the box of rice crispy treats with the goal of eating them before 8am.  You would roll over to greet your wife but you find yourself on the couch instead, sleeping with your sons "vroom vroom blanket" How did I get here?!??

Today was a trip to the eye-doctor with Payten.  Payten was the 1st child we adopted in 2006 and if children can have parental qualities at an early age I would best guess Pay-Pay as we call her is my dreamy/friendly side.  This age with kids seems to be filled with questions about people and their surroundings and today was no different.

We had a cat named Eli that recently disappeared and Payten was the most affected by it.  As we got in the car and drove to the doctor Payten exclaims "Yes...now for my plan!"

"Plan?!??"

"Yes daddy I believe today is a day that we should bring back a kitty!"
(easy as that dad)

Well I did what any resonable father tries to do, "Change the Subject!"

K:  Well, today is eye-doctor day lets get you some glasses!  (Complete with thumbs up, you see my kids are 7 and under not filled with the embarrassed by father feelings....yet)

P:  Well I'm sure the doctor has cats I can at least borrow one for today.

K:  Sweetie the cats arent sold at eye-doctor shops....you see dear (as I try to bring reason and bigger words into the conversation)

P:  I dont need to buy one just borrow it.

K:  I love you payten

We arrive at the shop and Payten immediately spots the fish tank and ponders life as a fish as she becomes oblivious to my cries of "Payten come here"

We arrive at the counter and without missing a beat, Payten walks behind the counter and asks where the cats were kept. 

"sweetie we got no cats here"

"You have any at home" (Please don't say yes...please)

"why yes I do dear"  ( X-men mutant mind wipe fail)

"Well you should bring him here, I am very onsible ( onsible-partial spelling of responsible, cute points +25)

The lady to her credit laughed and from behind her back pulls out a pink kitty kat case.

"Daddy my plan worked!"

I do believe it it did my dear.  I do believe it did......

Just what this internet needs more blogging!

Hello friends, enemies, and secret groups that conspire against me.  I have entered the world of blogging which when I say the word always reminds me of flogging.  This one thought has made me nervous to blog.  Other words that cause me laughter and nervousness include:  Motif (mo-teeth) Omnibus (Omneee-bus) and Repulsive.  However I have decided to try it. I shall start with a brief word of testimony followed by wild political thoughts and biblical thoughts that should get me a nice crowd of folks!!  No never mind I'll start with just the basics for now.  I have been blessed to have been born 3 months premature with Cerebral Palsy.  This affects my mobility greatest of all followed by my waist and hands.  I came in weighing 2 lbs 8 ounces and I have managed to make up for that weight thanks to my favorite food chicken.  I am married to a wonderful woman, and have adopted 4 great kids which I will mention more frequently along with other things I find interesting about this world.  So for now I encourage you to go out and be an encouragement to someone and I shall have more to write about soon.

If you have any questions or stories of yore let me know,