The measure of a man

In honor of Keith

We couldn’t have been any different the day we met.  It was the 1^st day of middle- school; I was new to the area and very nervous.  I  do not really remember most of what  I wore but  I do remember wearing an old hand-me down leather jacket that was my brothers, it made me look cool…in a 1985 sort of way.  You and I met at the bus stop, you wore dragon earrings complete with red gems for the eyes and a Guns N Roses hat, shirt, pants and shoes.  You scared me to death; this is what most drug dealers looked in my Miami Vice imagination.  We greeted each other with the glance that men give to one another, a shrug and on the bus we went for the next hour and a half.  I wanted to know how things were at the school.  You said it was hell man, you better watch it….I was scared and then you laughed.  Our entertainment on those bus rides was a collection of tunes played from Brandon’s radio.  Surprisingly though there was no Huey Lewis played but lots of GNR.  Afternoons were spent with you and me and your sock puppet Mr. Evil that always was there to annoy the girls on the bus. We were much younger then.

I started visiting and we played Atari football, the thing I remember most about Atari football was what we called “The Dirty Trick’ where you could run off the screen and show up behind the quarterback on the opposite side for an easy sack.  He he Kevin you have beeeeen defeated you would say.  Wait till you go to sleep was my response always.  If we got bored we would go play with the tobacco sticks in the the holler (or holla...the deep part of the country where you would likely get eaten by a raccoon and never be seen again) by throwing them at each other, till one friend got hurt and we never saw him again (His magic shield failed apparently).

I lived in the country, back when you might go to the main town once a week apart from school, down old Highway 22.  It was a scenic route that passed a place known as four corners where on the corner was a little grocery store known as Covey’s Grocery.   As what may have amounted as a bribe at the time your grandmother bought us a yoo hoo and a snack cake to go to church with her.  We would spend that time trying to get your nephews first words to be “soy sauce” because it struck us as heelaaaaaaaarious.  His mother didn’t seem to think so when it happened it was quite the news.  “If we get into trouble we’ll just outrun them” you would say.  But we don’t drive I would respond as the straight man.  “They’ll be too tired chasing us to be mad and we’ll have to go home” was your response.  Always with a plan, we were much craftier then.

Summers generally meant being cut off from the outside world so we would walk to each other’s house, usually with comics in tow.  You like Conan and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, especially when I did the voices.  You loved to say by Crom, usually when your mother would make you try to clean your room.  We had the 1st of our 2 fights (once over comics, once over a girl) and we lost most of that summer being mad.  I wish I had that back.  Remember that time we rode to the mall and back in the back of your grandparents pickup down Highway 25.  They were below that on the speedometer.  The line behind them was like nothing I had ever seen. “Get a whip for your horse and buggy old man” was what they said to him as he finally pulled off the road.  We waved at everyone passing by as they in turn waved to us with one finger.  We were a little crazier then.

Winter we would play laser tag in the snow (complete with the vest, who cares that the snow will short out the gun!   We kept busy inside by making recordings of our adventures that we titled “The Adventures of Lisa the Hair Spray Barbarian after your sister as she faced off with the evil Bar-bo which was after your mother.  We made commercials and I recall recording a lot of variations of Hanz and Franz (we are going to pump…you up).  We laughed a lot and you would always have a commercial end in some variation of “Kevin likes to dance with Bowl-legged women.”  I have never been able to figure that one out.   It was easier then, it was fun, our biggest concerns were having money to rent the latest video game, having time to make cornflake chicken, taking short cuts to the house and sliding down a muddy hill with Lisa’s new leather jacket on… then we had to grow up.  Your sister was in the worst wreck I ever seen right near your grandmother’s house and you screamed.  We knew she was dead there was so much blood.  I ran to you and you cried and cried please Lord let her live, I am so sorry for all the things I’ve done.  She lived and you have lots of Nieces and a Nephew.  I have failed you in telling them about you, I have failed in a lot of things as a matter of fact.  College was around the corner and you told me we were going to get an apartment and read comics and make lots of chicken.  You finally got your license and we drove the back roads looking for ghosts (No Lisa for the last time it was a Wal-Mart bag, not a ghost).  Then I moved, and with it those summers walking down the dirt road to your house were gone.  But we were always going to be together. Till I got that call.

“I got the big C  Kev”  I am sick.  We thought Cancer was in movies, besides we had a road trip to plan and future adventures.  I even have a girlfriend now…wait Keith don’t cry I’ll be right there.  I spent the summer of 1994 getting ready to enter college and visiting you while you went through chemo, then a colostomy all the while thinking of spending more time with your family and friends.  I had in my mind I was going to do something amazing, be a great actor, comedian, something to get me out of Grant County,  you were coming with me, you just had to…I can’t do anything without you.

“You need to come home Kev, there isn’t much time…he’s asking for you”

Is this? A dream?  I saw him last week; we were in the hospital assembling Legos and were acting out the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle graphic novel.  I came home and down to that hospital and you were….hanging on.  You said “Kevin?!??” and went back to sleep.  That is the last thing I heard you say. None of this is real, none of this is real, and where is God?  Take me instead, my life is nothing compared to his!!  Who in the world did I think I was?  Couple of weeks later I was back at school and then you were gone, 17 years ago.  I remember a funeral with so many people, I remember talking to the crowd and reading a poem I wrote for you, I bet you got a kick out of that “Kev….um dude…a poem I think you might be a sissy heheheeh”  Shut it Keith I still have some of your poems.  I remember making promises I did not keep to people whose love I don’t deserve.  Nothing made sense.

I struggled going back to school and ran away, I came home and nothing was the same, no dirt roads, no comics, no long discussions about girls, and certainly no experimental chicken recipes.  (Corn Flake Chicken…masterpiece).  Every person I saw with leather jacket and medium length hair was you.  If not for a handful of people who were there I would not be here (Tara, Jeremy, Dave, Jason, Sonya, Chrissy, Kim) among others I simply cannot express my thankfulness for your help.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I’ve even messed these friendships up.  Even now I struggle with friendships it came so easy with you, now there seem to be too many hoops to jump through.   But in all of this there was a plan, one more card left to play Keith…one more turn

There is a hill off of Highway 22 (now called Taft Highway even the road names change) where you are buried.  It is one of the most beautiful places I know, the wide open sky it’s always so quiet.  Gives you time to think, gives you time to say hello and goodbye any way you wish.  We visited not so long ago, and through your passing I was able to receive the greatest gift I could have ever hoped for my family.  I met Erin who is as much my best friend as well as my wife and we became foster and adoptive parents to 4 precious children who are my greatest treasure.  They know who you are and I show them the few pictures I have of you as an example of a friend that sticks to you long after they are gone.  I’ve reconnected with Lisa which was like gaining back a lost piece of you and me, she’s as funny as she’s always was and her children, I know you see them but they are beautiful. Gran is even still with us; while when she saw me her 1^st words were “Kevin you have gotten fat” You should have seen the look on Erin’s face.   Then we have my main man, my best buddy my choo choo boy, your namesake Collin Keith Allen Arnold.  We adopted him on Valentine’s Day of all days.  Serena is your giving heart, Payten is your nerdy side, Katrina is your sensitive side, and Collin…well he’s a bit of a wildman.  I can never forget you, but maybe just maybe I can begin to heal.  Maybe it’s time to simply say Thank You Keith.