My mom and I have had an interesting relationship for as long as I can remember. Lots of love and a little frustration. 39 years ago today she married my dad in California, and today is the first time she wont have him next to her to celebrate. Now I get that he is in heaven and "looking down" as it were but right now my mom struggles with missing the warm hand caressing her cheek, the laugh that calmed her and the request for coffee at 4am. She refuses to sleep in the bedroom, instead most nights sleeping in the recliner we bought for dad for his return home. She finds herself still upset at God, but each day I believe she gets stronger. It is so hard watching someone you love so much go through such pain. Words really aren't as soothing as I wish they were and a mention of memory of dad gets laughter then tears.
Growing up she was the one on her knees praying for her kids. She fought for us, even if she unleashed her tirades at the wrong teacher or schoolyard bully a time or 2. When I was younger, I lashed out at mom and told her I wanted "God to get her" for how she treated me. She in turn got the operator on the line and had them pretend to be the direct extension to Heaven or the Police and by the end of it I was crying....noooooooo mommy I do love you. She loved to wear scarves on her head, but when she did we would joke that they made her mean so we would hide them from her. Through all that and our various love life questions (Mom why does random grade school girl not like me, mom why does random middle school/high school girl not like me, is it because of my legs, What do you mean Erin likes me, mom you are crazy.....) she was there holding our family together.
Life is funny, you get only a certain amount of years on this earth believing your parents are amazing, then stupid, then weird, then a brief visit back to stupid, then you realize they love you so deeply its beyond comprehension and you view them in truest sense as beautiful people that sacrificed so much just for their kids. So we honor her today by saying mom we will fall short of those qualities but we will take care of you and love you. There may be a hole in your heart that only time and God can fill, but we will try our best to hold that heart up. My parents passion was us, My parents love was towards us, and our parents legacy was us.
Mom we love you, we will help you & we will honor you. Dad would want that, and I can only speak for myself but we want that too. Love you mom
No comments:
Post a Comment