Cuddles

Mommy and I had not been foster parents long when we received the call that you were just born and needed a family to watch over you.  At this moment in time our experience with children was limited to my nieces who went home after the weekend was up.  We drove to the hospital our hearts filled with nervousness, confusion, excitement.  There you were wrapped in the tiniest blanket, with a tiny card that said "Girl Russell"  I mean who names a girl russell?

After mommy explained the way names worked, the nurse asked if we wanted to hold you.  Can't I just push her around, I mean I will drop this baby or try to feed her a hamburger or something.  All training I had a that moment went south.  She was born with cocaine in her system and she looked so tiny so fragile is the Cabinet sure its ok if I take the baby home?  Few minutes your older sister arrived crying and that made 2 heading home.  My first night was laying near you while you were in the bassinet thinking.  Can we do this, I mean really.

As you grew all I wanted was to see you smile, and boy did you do that.  You would come home from your visits with your birth family and the moment our eyes met you moved up and down and couldn't wait for me to hold you.  Maybe we can do this after all I pondered as you played on the floor and your big sissy wanted to hold you.  You would tremble so much at night I learned later in part due to the withdrawals.  How would someone...wait blaming doesn't help I need to get back to feeding you.

Erin and I would take turns as you cried at night, I recall a few times missing the bed after i laid down falling in the floor, one time even destroying a trash can in the process (I do this alot as you will learn).  Then we learned you had problems with your ears, then your heart all the while learning diaper changing (sorry bout the first 100 or so) and feeding.  You would just smile.

When we found many months later you were going home, so much had changed you had a new sister who we were close to adopting and she found you to be interesting and loved to hug you.  Your older sister's hair grew curlier and curlier and she loved to help feed you.  But here we were hearts about to break at the thought of the two of you going home to your birth parents.  We did all we could do, figuring we would never see you again.  Then the phone rang.....and everything changed.

You ask me to lay down with you just about every night, you love makeup and princesses and now want me to find "princessdressup.com"  You get a little rowdy you like to scream at random points but you are amazing.  You went from little quiet cuddles to a big 6 year old.  I wrote a poem for you

Katrina with your eyes of blue
piercing through my heart
All doubts and fears that I have
when holding you fall apart

Katrina you always make me smile
I cannot believe you are mine
as the years pass and days role on
I will love you for all time

You dance with me now and call me your prince, I know that some day long long long long long long long long down the road you will find a new prince.  We rejoice at the honor of being parents and getting to love and take care of you.  I cant wait to see whats next with you.  I love you cuddles.

Love Daddy