Two Years

I don't have screens in my front windows, victims of cats and kids long ago.  Dad's last project with me was to re-screen them and I have never been able to get them back in the windows.  The frames are weak and the the little plastic tubing just doesn't hold in the seams.  I just cant seem to throw them away.

My kids are asleep upstairs in a "cool kids club" they made with blankets.  I asked for a membership card and they said I was too old.  Erin watches re-runs of Dog the Bounty Hunter, I give up trying to understand why.

Yet I can't stop thinking about it

Dad will have been gone two years tomorrow, and I feel like that screen managing to fit in the frame but struggling at the seams.  My siblings deal with the day to day each with their own struggles, changes since he's been gone.  Mom has good days and bad, overall the communication between all of us could be better.

I want to record the kids memories of dad, there may not be much there, going to do it anyway  Connor tells me stories of hot dogs and how papaw loved nascar and guns. The kids wrote letters and drew pictures, I spend time with Collin telling him stories of Dad    I pray with my kids and as I pour my heart out, I sometimes fall asleep slumped on the floor.  Did dad do this?  Am i like him?  Have I let him down?  

It has been a slow go all this healing business.

The frames are bent, the seams are weak but they are still screens.

Dad I miss you, we miss you. Lord grant me the strength to deal with the day to day