The road less traveled

Breathe in, breathe out Kev

Today would have been Dad's 68th birthday.  The weeks leading up to it would have been subtle hints given by him of what he would like for a gift.  Sears and Home Depot were popular stops, but he was not opposed to Lowes for his power tool needs.  Sometimes we would go in on a gift and others we would give a gift card.  The kids would scream Happy Birthday Papaw into the phone and then he would laugh and tell they he loved them.  I would end the call with, "I love you Pop"

I dreamed about Dad last night, he came over to talk and eventually he had to go. He says, "I have to get back to heaven now"  I started to cry and asked him to stay just a little longer.  He asked if I had any wood in the garage he could "borrow" (Which he did often while on earth) I said as much as you need, then I woke up.

I was a mess this morning, Erin consoling me before she had to leave for work, then Serena came in and wanted to play me a song on the phone, It was a song about Heaven and how we long for it and it was all I could do to keep from turning to an even bigger mess.  I took the kids to school and stopped to get something to eat.  I looked over to see a Dad holding his baby and the baby grabbing his nose.  How I long for a hug from my father, to hear one more story, to sing one more song.  My dad was a man of character, of unflinching love for his family and those around him.  If he offended you he apologized, if you needed money he would give you his last dollar.  There is no need to exaggerate anything about him for he was consistent.  I know he's in Heaven, that is a hard pill for some to swallow as Heaven is fairy tale to people I know.  Why believe in the alternative? 

Dad took a road that is less and less traveled as we get older, where men stand for things, help others, show compassion, slow to judge, shake hands, look people in the eye.  He may not have sat you down and had long conversations about life, but he worked and he helped and he showed his love every day.  Today my mom struggles with his passing as they were a team, partners in a life that at times was rough but filled with so many lasting loving memories.  So I am going to end this now and go buy her some flowers.  If you should happen to think of it today, pray for my Mom and tell your parents you love them.

Two Dollars

Once or twice a month, is our visit to Remke's for "Donut Day"  Recent events have slowed that time before school, but with Payten's declaration of "Needing to get back on a donut schedule" I decided to take them there this morning.  It can be a bit of an adventure taking 4 kids inside anywhere, especially with toy machines placed at the entrance to the building, but today was a bit more organized than most.  Typically there is a particular lady at the counter (Known as donut Lady) who helps us but today was a man, who seemed not as interested in my children's questions about cake design.  With our donuts and hand and soon our milks (pink milk unavailable), we made our way to the cash register.  After paying for our items we noticed 3 receptacles wanting a donation.  Katrina had earned 2 dollars picking up somethings and was quite excited to help one of those 3 places when an Idea popped into her mind.

Daddy do you think your friends need two dollars?

What friends cuddles (my name for her since she was 4 days old i make no apologies)

Your friends that got hurt by the tornado?

I try to give my children encouragement whenever I can and I was overwhelmed with the selflessness of her statement.  I offered to give two dollars in place of hers, but she insisted it be her two dollars that was given.  Every little bit matters, every moment matters, I would humbly ask that if you read this, find a way to make a difference for those who have lost everything.  Every dollar counts if you are 6 or 106.

Why I became a foster parent

Too cute kitties is on Animal Planet.  Best way to describe it is an hour of cats being born (from their eggs, Payten says).  Erin is asleep in the chair and the eyes of my 3 girls are transfixed on the kitties running and jumping.  Id like to say the whole time I was enthusiastic about watching it, but as the children began to drift asleep..I...just...want....to...reach....the remote.  As I went to grab the remote Payten was still awake and as she saw the climax of the show, where the cats are given to good homes she said, "oh kitties I hope you find a good mommy and daddy like I have"  I am aware at some point my children will mutate into curling iron (people still use those right?) makeup maniacs.  Even now I begin to see Katrina really interested in wanting to look "like a princess." I hold out hope that Serena will be the protector of her brothers and sisters, and Collin, I just want to survive :-)  I became a foster parent to try to make a difference in someones life, but they have made all the difference in mine.  Make no mistake, I am clumsy, goofy, and can have moments where I'm lucky to even get out the door each morning, so If I can be a foster/adoptive parent anyone can.....provided you pass the background check of course.

The girl from Rifle Range Road

I still get the feeling in the pit of my stomach when you approach me, the butterflies of the hope of a kiss from you.  I still suck in my gut when I am near you in the hopes that you find what I am trying to pass as a fashionable look worthy of a smile from you.  You have a quiet sense of humor that makes me smile and a tenderness that you try to hide.  I have given you card after card, sang songs, made meals and tried my best to be your best friend.  You are inspirational I can only imagine how much more amazing you will become when you finally lose the weight that has become the one stumbling block for you to see yourself as I have always seen you.  Beautiful, Compassionate & Strong.  You work in a field that gets a bad rap, fostered and adopted 4 kids and taking care of nieces and nephews when needed.  You may drive me just a little crazy but marriage is work and not all sunshine and rainbows.  I wish I can give you so much more, but till then, I love you Erin and Happy Birthday.

Horse Coconuts

When I started this blog I intended it to be an encouraging blog, filled with smiles and laughter in hopes of avoiding or at the very least diffusing the insanity.  So how about some humor today.

Some of my favorite times being a parent are the trips I take in the morning to drop them off at school.  We sing songs, talk about lunch and other thoughts from today's guest Serena.

There is a horse up on a hill near the school where my children attend.  We have named this horse sally and the girls are concerned whenever Sally is outside when it rains or snows.  Daddy someone needs to find that horse a nice home or a coat.  Today when had this exchange

Daddy, I really want a horse, but I would like a girl horse (Sure boy horses are always left out)

Well, I don't think we have room for the horse.... (Refinancing for the hay alone.....maybe a reverse mortgage)

Well daddy I want a lady horse because it will lay an egg and hatch a baby horse right????

Uhhhhh (Pegasus?!??)

As we arrived to school a little early I did what I call "Daddy driving school"  where the girls take turns sitting on my lap and we drive circles in the parking lot them at the wheel, me on the gas.  Serena and I notice a particular tree and I comment on how nice it is and she says to me

"Do you know that tree has coconuts in it? (Kentucky Coconuts!!!)

Uhhh (A common response)

It does daddy we pick them up every day!

Thankful for my kids who do so much for me without even knowing it

Silent Cries

Driving home last night I was struggling to help my nephew who is staying with us for a little bit.  He was missing his mommy and his friends and his Papaw "Super bad."  I tend to deal with adversity with humor or fatty foods but during this time all I could do was hold his hand.  His cries grew stronger as told me how he was "Papaws 1st grandson" and just wanted to talk to him for just one more minute.  The funny thing is I was feeling that pain of sorts in my stomach and all around me since his passing.  Other unforeseen complications have sought to instead of taking the wind out of my sails, sink the boat all together.  I prayed aloud just asking the Lord for comfort, but when you hit that wave of frustration and despair its easy to just close your eyes and just let the waves keep hitting.  Here was the 6 year old boy struggling, all I could do was love him.

We parked the car and just before we get out he says to me.  "You know what uncle Kev?"  "What Bud?"  When Papaw died everyone told Mamaw "So sorry for your loss".....nobody told me that they just rubbed my head.

Like a punch to the gut....

So sorry for your loss my buddy was the only thing I could push out of my mouth at that moment, just dumbstruck by the statement.

Thank you Uncle Kev, I sure do love you

6yr olds teaching 37yr olds every day.

Breathing through a straw

Trying to get back to some sense of normalcy seems to be a bit of a struggle.  As a child when I faced adversity I just dusted myself and moved on. I seem to be dusting myself these days with an already dirty brush.  So I intend to put some goals together for 2012 and see where we go.  I would say for me number 1 is that I lose weight.  I had made some progress but that has since stopped, and getting started again has been a bit of a pain.  Another goal would be to enjoy others more, I have what I consider a pretty enjoyable group of friends with a variety of ideas and opinions.  I enjoy discussion.  I also find myself with a desire to improve my fatherly/husband skills for this year, I believe there is always room for improvement.  Payten's desire is that I have more "armpit tickling time" with her, I intend to do this.  There just seems to be an awful lot to do, so maybe part of the recovery as it were is to keep busy and put effort towards more positive pursuits.  So lets see where this takes us and lets get moving again.