Payten

There is an older lady at my church, and for as long as I can remember she has struggled with communicating with others.  You can tell there is something there that is missing and usually she spends the church service muttering to herself.  I believe our church to be a very loving church, but in the hustle and bustle of greetings and goodbyes she is usually by herself.  Well that is, until she meets my Payten.

We were quite new as foster parents and were concerned that our daughters would be going home soon.  we then got a call of a little girl and boy that were close to having the parental rights terminated, and after some prayer and talking decided we would pursuit another placement.  The Foster Mom had a friend that lived in our neighborhood, and she brought over pictures of Payten.  She was beautiful, I felt so inadequate to be considered to take care of her.  Over the course of a few months she stayed with us and we loved each other, and later that year she became ours forever.

When you are in training, you basically mark on a checklist what you would be willing to work with, disabilities, abuse, drugs, social issue, race, religion.  It seemed easy to us, after all I have Cerebral Palsy, my dream was to help children with disabilities.  Some disabilities and conditions are easy to spot, others not so easy.  This is where the love comes in Payten was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which can include being exposed to drugs and alcohol, so you enter in a situation with almost no medical history and few answers.  As Payten grew, she had some physical and occupational therapy but she always smiled, her deep blue eyes melting your heart.  She began to forms words and with words attachments to everything that hops crawls and flies as she would say one night while praying.  If she saw someone she began to talk to them and would hug complete strangers, Erin and I always near and always ready to apologize to whatever parent, stranger, grocery store clerk she would hug.  Always they would smile and say thank you.  So much love, but soon those blue eyes would become cloudy, a storm was brewing inside of her.  It began with the inability to stay on task, I recall one moment where she was to change her clothes and get ready for bed, she would go to her room, then ask what was I doing again, getting dressed I would say, she would say ok, then go make a bowl of cereal, clothes optional. After many instances and through research, training, talks with our doctor, and prayer we learned of ADHD

I am not a fan of medicine, even with the constant pain my legs are in, I fear they will fog my mind, and I carried that fear over to Payten.  I didn't want to lose her, the stories the smile, the unwavering love she shows others.  The doctor reassured me if anything was causing issues we would stop and try something else.  At this point payten was getting aggressive with her sisters, and then she would cry and in a quivering voice "Daddy why am I hurting"  You are never ready for the hurt questions, you yearn to tear at and remove anyone or anything that hurts your girls but how do you stop something that is inside the one you love.  So we began the slow process of medicine, some medicine kept her awake, some knocked her out.  One particular medicine made her incapable of calming down, she would scream so loudly I couldn't remember the blue eyes.  My daughters became scared of her, this was going to be a battle.  So we got more training, information and support.  Love is more than words, it is tight hugs, it is looks in the eye and smiling.  It is restless nights sitting at the end of the bed.  It is prayer. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever I came home from work, just an ordinary day but this time, there she was at the top of the steps, "Daddy...there you are!"  I saw those blue eyes, the raging sea inside her was calmer.  I wish for a day, in which people would understand her completely, where she can find a true friend, where people can see beyond the impulsiveness and occasional frustration and see her humor, her smile, her love for others and obsession with Ice Cream.  Lord give me the strength to see my children grow up.

So here we are the night before she turns 8yrs old, I asked her what her favorite memory of 7 was, "Chasing Cats" she said.  So what do you think about 8?  Well I made a friend today!

You see the Lady I mentioned at the beginning....From Serena

Daddy, you know the lady who sits by herself?
Sure, sweetie
Payten went up to her today
She did???
Yeah Payten asked her if she liked Ice Cream, and she told payten yes
What did payten do?
She said lets be friends then and they shook hands.

Payten, I love you Happy Birthday thank you for teaching me everyday. You are spectacular and I enjoy every moment.  Thank you for loving Mommy and me