Soon to be 40

Well as 40 approaches next week, I am thankful for being alive,  I am thankful for smiles and hugs from old friends.  I am thankful for laughter, especially from kids.

I am thankful for a roof over my head and my kids and wife asleep as I type.

I miss friends, we are too busy with life that it passes so quickly trying to keep up makes me tired.  i didn't get here without the love of others past present and future.

I got to hear the words I love you daddy, play with me daddy, tell me a story daddy, who is Jesus daddy?

I got to say I do, and I love you.

I had to say goodbye, too soon

My dreams went from president, actor, comedian, radio personality. to daddy, husband, father, and good friend.

I am still learning, I am still willing to learn.

I miss relationships, jokes and friends.

I am learning to slow down and listen, to be patient i don't always need the last word.

I want to help others as long as I draw a breath, teach my children to love others and forgive, lessons we learn side by side :-)

I always want to laugh, joke and look at every situation as an opportunity to love others.

My faith is part of who i am i want to be braver enough to express it and not be afraid that someone will not agree with me.

I want my body to last longer, so i can walk three girls down the aisle all at the same time, to save money of course.

I want my wife to see herself as I see her, beautiful.

I want family to get along while we still have family, a father-in law who would just talk to me would be  start.

I am thankful for so many of you, you just don't know how much I appreciate your part in the tapestry of my life.

Erin, thank you for loving me, I should always end with that.

Still miss the After Shave

I never was a hunter like you

You loved me anyway

Fixing things not my strength

You loved me anyway

I didnt always agree with you

You loved me anyway

Dad, you dont care about me!!!

You loved me anyway

Hey dad, would you be my best man?

You loved me everyday

Dad!  I am a dad!  arent you proud!

You loved me everyday

Dad please get better I need you!

You loved me everyday

Dad, see you soon we miss you

I love you everyday

Space Toilet

Hello there!  Up a little early today, my legs are barking and I cant really get back to sleep when this happens so here we are.

This is the Summer of VBS or Vacation Bible School in case you were thinking of Very Big Sausages.  I think we are on number 4 or maybe 5 with the kids.  I enjoy the stories and smiles my kids come back with and the endless stream of crafts.  At the closing ceremony on Monday, all of my kids occupied a row with their cousins.  I watched as they twirled and smiled and looked back at me.  Collin seemed more interested in assaulting Katrina, and my nephew Christian enjoyed when the worker held him.  Summer is also the time when I view online photos of other peoples adventures.  Whether it is people outdoors grilling, traveling or crafting, I get jealous.

JEALOUS!!???  How dare you?!!!

I am almost convinced that my greatest enemy is not my aches and pains but time.

I sat in that back row and looked at each of my children, growing looking different in a variety of ways already than last year when we went to Disney World.  My girls are more interested in videos about songs than drawing a picture.  They are more interested in people who visit then giving me a hug goodbye for work.  The children who were at the top of the steps cheering for me as i were a conquering hero throw clothes down now so I can throw them in the laundry room.  Time...it marches on.

By no means do I feel I am not blessed,  as crazy as the last 8 years or so has been it has been so worth it.  Would I change anything?  More pictures of them as babies, maybe some of those really fancy ones where everyone is standing on the beach wearing matching clothes, or with my shirt off cradling each child in my arms as the sun hits us just right, horses galloping behind us.  Yeah we are also on a beach in New Zealand  Also fireworks....wait er nevermind, collin would find the fireworks.

I am by no means perfect, my parenting skills are a hodge podge of ideas and notions and advice I have accumulated.  I pray, try to pay attention.  Erin worries that my head will be in the sad (hehe I like that better then sand) once the girls start talking about boys or the period that does not come at the end of this sentence.  Time still marching on

Then katrina asked me to lay with her, and off to the bunk bed I went.  Fun fact, bunk beds are no longer comfortable, I may have some internal bleeding.  I rubbed her hair kissed her and prayed with her then fell asleep.  Time only seems to slightly slow the few moments after a great tragedy so you can attempt to get your bearings, but those moments before i drifted off I was reminded of the first day I saw my girls.

So what is the answer?  Still looking and will be revising as I go but for now

Love them
Listen to them
Help them
Encourage Them
Teach them

and stop looking at other peoples lives and live my own best I can.

Happy Mothers Day

You laid in the hospital bed 3 months early, I was about to born premature.  My condition was so dire.  You weren't married too long to dad and was already raising one son.  Here I come into this world broken and you carried me.


You visited the school whenever you got wind someone was being cruel to me.  The problem was by the time you reached the school your righteous anger was such you would forget who you were up there to yell yet.  The librarian never saw it coming.


You told me over and over again, Erin liked me.  I didn't believe you.  Kevin I talked to her for hours.  Still didn't why would anyone like me?  So many hours in your lap crying as to why I couldn't find a girlfriend.  Hours later finding you on your knees praying for me.  14 years, 5 kids later here we are.

It was just the other day when I heard the sound coming from the kitchen.  The vase knocked over you gave Erin.  At first there was the shock, my vase my vase.  I didn't know Dad got it for you and discovered labeled on one of the broken pieces it was 123 years old.  Connor was sobbing so sad he had broken it,  but there you were turning around to him saying.  It is just a thing you are so much more, then a kiss.  I am so thankful you are here.





I stood next to you outside of church, after hearing you needed math tutoring from your brother.  You stammered and blushed and we agreed I would tutor you after church.  Tutoring didn't go far :-)

I remember our first date, sitting go go eyed in the Alexandria Wal-Mart not eating.  We got up to leave and there was toilet paper stuck to your shoe.  I intercepted it.  Then tripped, knocking you out the door.

You were so beautiful that day.  I don't remember being very nervous just amazed that we were about to be married.  What adventures we would have and how blessed I was to have you.  You on the other hand looked like you were about to pass out.  I kept muttering I love you under my breath, even as your dad was stone faced.  There was still a chance he might pound me until he gave you away after all.

You spoke in another language the day we got our first placement, second and third.  It was a different path then most take.  No baby showers, planned meals, 9 months to prepare.  People confused as to why we couldn't have "real children."  You took it all in stride, and I took it all in, while looking fried.  Without you, there would be no family, keeping it all together.  Even now as I type this one child in our bed, four upstairs and your mom in the hospital.  You are glue my dearest love.


I can't say I pray for you every day, life is filled with adventures and I can be forgetful.  He made a card for you today.  I do my best to let him know you love him and he is growing up to be an outstanding boy.  He is the first to wake up in the morning for school and the first to go to bed when asked.  He does struggle with a bit of forgetfulness and loves to hug me.  He is excellent at taking out the trash and enjoys basketball.  I am doing the best I can to raise him. He loves you.   I love him dearly, and yes I love you.  Please find the help you need Julie, I can't make you.  He is worth it.


Cherish your moms, love them for as long as you are able on this earth.  They are the guardians of innocence, the tailor, the cook, the confidant, cheerleader, chauffeur  truly the "better half."  Happy Mothers Day!

 

Hurt

I am praying for you even when you don't believe in who I am praying to.  I love you anyway

I am praying for the strength to be able to deal with physical pain that takes its toll on the day to day

The hurt which distracts me from focusing on the tasks at hand causing me to worry

that robs me of precious time with my children to love and instruct them

that hinders my relationship with my wife who must pick up the slack while she hurts as well

I pray for your life after dad, how you dream of him all the time and sob quietly in the darkness after you wake up and realize he is not beside you.

I pray for your physical struggles, trying to function just enough to get up in the morning just to look out the window, wondering how the bills will get paid.

I pray for the loss of friends, who either don't understand, don't listen or don't care.

I pray for those grieving for friends who have died, seeking answers.

I pray for my family, to be together again for my sister to defeat drugs and alcohol and to be reunited with her son

As silly as it sounds, unless you really know me I wish I could shoulder this hurt for each of you.

However there is someone who already has and will.

Matthew 11:28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest
11:29  Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:  and ye shall find rest unto your souls

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him for he cares for you.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you, my piece I give unto you:  not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.


Be encouraged today, that you do not need to fight the fight alone.  All my love :-)

Let me introduce myself

As the day passes, I learned that it is national cerebral palsy day.  As you you watch me walk and shuffle my feet, you may have wondered what is going on with me?  Was I hit by a car, nuclear missile or ravaged by a baby cougar while skiing the Matterhorn.  Was I attacked by the villainous combo of Michael Ironside and John Saxon leaving me near death at a mysterious dojo?  I like to think I fought groups of invading aliens such as in this clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFgg3vHw6ms  (Michael Ironside-Aliens-Hero)

I have mostly Spastic Cerebral Palsy which involves spasms, loss of coordination and at least for me a great deal of clumsiness.  Growing up, I was fortunate to deal with minimal teasing, a few pushes and shoves if anything, learning to live with a disability helped me learn to deal with people.  My greatest limitations were within myself.  Family helped strengthen me with love and kindness, and being surrounded by friends gave me the strength to keep on.  My love for Christ helped me when dealing with the Hows and the Whys.   Here are some keys to help you if you are struggling to talk with someone with a disability

1.  It is not contagious!   Putting your hand on my shoulder or shaking my hand does not cause you to spontaneously combust.   Cerebral Palsy is not cooties, you will not fall to ground convulsing on touch

2.  Eye Contact....Eye Contact.....Eye Contact  If your eyes like to wander towards my legs, look at my face and see my smile, or gaze upon my un-massive triceps.  If you look down I will be concerned my shoes are untied, trip, fall into you and then there will be legal issues...or I'll just stay on the ground embarrassed

3.  I am not deaf!   Research by people who walk around everyday says that when you talk to me THE VOICE DOES NOT NEED TO CHANGE AND GROW INTO INTENSITY!!!  Cerebral Palsy is not in my ears!

4.  Empathy is nice, don't over do it.  I likely don't know what you are going through with your bunions, If you want to know about my hurts and pains, ask and I will let you know.

5. Parking is at a premium.   Don't park in a handicapped spot unless you have the placard or plate, I have drove back home because the store door was too far away to get to because somebody parked the A-team van in two spots to go get his cigarettes.  (Don't smoke-extra free advice)

6.  I can be a jerk  I love people and interacting with them, be yourself around me don't feel you need to walk around me with a different mindset for fear of offending me.

7.  Humor and laughter help.  Don't make the pain a prison, laugh with me talk to me not at me :-)

My lunch is ending, but I just wanted to say how blessed I am, and thankful for my Lord, my family, my friends, my church for accepting and loving me.

Barbiology

I woke up this morning to the sound of Erin's voice telling me there was water everywhere.  I attempted to replace the kitchen faucet last night with my children by my side holding flashlights and offering encouragement and Erin lamenting the faucets look (why do people need fancy faucets where your dirty dishes go). I discovered late in the evening there were parts missing so I shut the water off with plans to exchange the faucet in the morning.  I guess i didnt tighten things all the way.  The kids enjoyed the indoor pool as I worked quickly to shop vac the mess, get the kids to school then go to the store to replace the faucet.  In the car I am discussing with the kids the morning and apologizing with yelling at them while I was trying to solve these problems.  Serena says to me "Daddy you cant do everything, you are a great dad though!"  Besides, only Barbie can know that many things, she has a dress for evvvvvvvvverything!