Foster Parent Month

You see them, in movies typically cast as society misfits, religious nut jobs, or psycho serial killers.  The dad is usually aloof and the mother dresses the children in matching potato sacks.  They are in league with "the state" in keeping the children away from hard working parents.  They are foster parents.  I know I know I might be a smidge over dramatic, but my goal is to sell a plot to the Lifetime movie network, and roll in the Direct-to-DVD dough.  

She was fostering......a horrible secret!!!  *groan*  starring Jane Seymour

Hmm...let me get back on track here

May is Foster Parent Month, at least i hope it is, Facebook generally has sketchy information.  I wanted to share from my heart, some thoughts on foster parenting

-Foster Parenting a child sure beats foster parenting a lion
-Buy lots of spare keys for all your vehicles, and while you are at check with your neighbors
-Really don't buy new furniture for awhile
-Don't expect your kids to come with instructions, be patient and speak softly
-Get help you need support, if possible from other foster parents
-Family will let you down, learn that quick and work together to change that
-Be thankful for the little things, that little one who just finally started to eat may have been weeks without a decent meal, that one syllable is a symphony to the one who does not speak
-The successes greatly outweigh the failures, the smiles defeat the frowns
-Be consistent to love and resistant to anger
-Forgive Confusion and Ignorance, reject favoritism and ridicule
-Make sure the potty....is clearly marked
-Get over yourself if you are in this for the praise or money, don't even bother, please you will do so much more harm than good.
-Put on a puppet show, sing songs, read stories, be creative, use some imagination.
Being a foster parent, means making a difference in a child's life, for if just for a moment. 

Trust me I struggle with ideas of failure, and ineptness alot to my kids.  I am not perfect.  If you have questions don't hesitate to ask me.

Winter and Pretty Blue Eyes

This is a story for my daughter Payten, who received a hermit crab from her Aunt Colleen last night.  Payten loves animals more than people at times it seems

The Hermit Crab walked gently across the sand and carefully examined his new home.  He found the palm tree to his liking, and there was even a bowl with some yummy treats inside.  I am going to make sure I climb everywhere, he proclaimed and off he went.

Climbing up the tree, he found it not to his liking as it crashed into the food bowl.  I am most certainly not a snack! He crawled toward the door and using his claws tried to open the door.  Oh this will not do, I want to roam free.  He looked up the the sky and saw the bars and was very surprised to see two blue eyes staring down at him.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!  My name is Payten Maree, or Pay-Pay for short, would you like to be my friend?

The hermit crab heard the sounds but could not understand as Hermit Crabs don't understand kids till they get out of Hermit crab school.  He clicked his claws to say,  let me out right now!!  Payten smiled and said "I bet you want out don't you, Id really like to sleep with you but I cant fit in the cage (Payten knows a little hermit crab).  Hermit Crab began to realize his situation and started to go back into his shell, when it began to rain.  It was coming from the eyes of the little blue eyed girl.  Oh no!  this will never do and out of the shell he came and cried out "You are making my home a mess, please don't cry!" 

I'm sorry if you are sad but I will take good care of you mister hermit crab I promise.  Ill keep you away from my daddy as he killed my rainbow fish.  (The author did not).  I will name you winter because you look like a snowball, but I wont put you in the freezer! (Nor will the author)

As Winter now looked up and saw her his heart grew warm as her pretty blue eyes comforted him.  I think I will like it here, and he scooted over to pretty blue eyes and let her pet him on the shell.  They were very happy, then the earthquake came....rumble rumble rumble.  That's my brother Collin..... we better run!    The End!

Father to Son

Dear Collin,

Hey best buddy its daddy happy 4th birthday!  I love you!  Were you a good boy today?  You are my Stinky Boy!!

When you came to us, it was unexpected we thought there would be no more after you.  We wanted more kids, and I had hoped that maybe someday I might have a son.  I need you to know some things son about me just a few thoughts I have.  I don't expect you to understand right away, but someday when I am no longer here you might find these words and remember.

Always love others, even when they hate you

Show compassion whenever possible there are billions of people on this planet,

Be slow to anger, you cant take back the words after you speak them

Quick to help, if you can volunteer do so

Look someone in the eye and listen to them, even if you don't agree

Don't be scared to stand up for what you believe in, but be willing to listen (listening is a theme you will be made aware of alot during your life) to what they have to say, nobody gets anywhere by yelling your wrong and walking away.

Mommy and I are going to mess up alot, be patient because you will to :-)

Love your sissys, they will knock out the bullies

Whatever happens today, ends tomorrow (easy to say hard to do)

Praying never hurts

Your heart will be broken but...(see above) you will get through it

Love and respect your mother for she loves you and takes care of you in ways that I can not.

Don't worry if you don't have the best stuff, everything breaks eventually

Don't be afraid to be wrong

There are true friends out there...you will need to be a friend to find them (after all you are named after one of them :-)

There is one friend above all I want you to know and that is Jesus, when you have questions I will do my best to answer them.

We have more adventures ahead I know, and I cant wait!  I love you son, thank you for loving me

We did NOT build a zoo!

So Matt Damon came out with a movie called "We bought a zoo"  I haven't seen it but supposedly its somewhat family friendly.  That is the thought that crossed my mind as I came home to 7 children in my house.  As the father I felt it my duty to complain as I entered that "we seem to be running a hotel"  Erin is in the kitchen making spaghetti and my children are playing the fun family game "Smack each other in the back and run away (Not licensed by Milton Bradley).  We have recently taken in my 6yr old nephew Connor for the time being and let me say he is a sweet kid.  However he loves playing games on my phone, so as quickly as a ninja my phone disappears from my hand and he scurries away.  I then turn the corner to find the child of a family friend laying in my floor, suffering from droopy drawers syndrome.  I tell him to pull up his pants, and he exclaims "I need to poop"  I tell him that is terrific and I sit down as I see my son attempt to put his sister in a headlock while singing his multi pedia-sure selling song ("poop and pee, poop and pee, hey its poop and pee).  Matt Damon gets to fly away in his jet after the movie, my only hope is to lock myself in the bathroom.

My journey into grouchiness complete, I couldn't lift my fork to eat and my thoughts drifted to if i could barricade the steps leading to the downstairs, there was the possibility of making my stand there.

I then hear my wife say, "why don't you go take a drive, I have the kids".  Her words were like soft kisses against my cheek, except that i was chewing the inside of it already.  At this point I prepared to jump off the back deck and then the phone rang.  There was Jeremy offering an escape route, and into the car i went, feeling defeated and exhausted.  Super amazing wife 100  Heel Husband -23

A couple of hours with Jeremy righted the ship and Erin called to make sure I was fine.  Came home and kissed her and went to bed and there laying in my bed asleep was my son, tired I'm sure from recording his "poop and pee" song.  I laid down and he turned around and said "there you are best buddy" and gave me a kiss.  I thought of my girls and where we started from, my son and his physical problems, my nephew, my nieces, my wife.  Then lastly I thought of my dad was he in this spot before, did he stay awake wondering if he was failing, wondering where the magic book of parenting solutions was.  I know what he did, he got up the next day and kept moving, kept working, kept trying.  Mr Damon can keep his "zoo"  Ill take my life anytime.

The revolving state of road repair

Greetings and well met.  I trust while I was away everyone was nice to each other and everyone ate their vegetables said their prayers while getting ready to battle the Iron Sheik and Kamala in a steel cage.

It is hard for me to write, on one had I like the idea of expressing thoughts, no matter how bizarre (see above) they may be.  Then I wonder, who would want to read this I have a really boring life by my estimation, no parties, no journeys to foreign lands or political ideas to express (I pray for our leaders and vote).  Any call to action from me is tempered by my own flaws and imperfections as I strive to be more of a father and husband to my family.  I simply listen to others and provide my thoughts if asked, don't have to take any of my advice and simply love lasting friendships even if we disagree.  All of this to say if there was ever a time I needed solid relationships its now.  Physically each day seems more of a struggle and since dad's passing the road is still a road but its got these huge pot holes in it.  Mentally I feel that I am earning credits for a counseling degree while trying to find ways to relax.  I am weary but not broken, and trying to fill those potholes ever so slowly with my wife by my side.  Just need more people with shovels I guess.  Just random thoughts for today, make an effort to be a help today however small to someone.  Maybe this will be some motivation to get me to write more :-)

The road less traveled

Breathe in, breathe out Kev

Today would have been Dad's 68th birthday.  The weeks leading up to it would have been subtle hints given by him of what he would like for a gift.  Sears and Home Depot were popular stops, but he was not opposed to Lowes for his power tool needs.  Sometimes we would go in on a gift and others we would give a gift card.  The kids would scream Happy Birthday Papaw into the phone and then he would laugh and tell they he loved them.  I would end the call with, "I love you Pop"

I dreamed about Dad last night, he came over to talk and eventually he had to go. He says, "I have to get back to heaven now"  I started to cry and asked him to stay just a little longer.  He asked if I had any wood in the garage he could "borrow" (Which he did often while on earth) I said as much as you need, then I woke up.

I was a mess this morning, Erin consoling me before she had to leave for work, then Serena came in and wanted to play me a song on the phone, It was a song about Heaven and how we long for it and it was all I could do to keep from turning to an even bigger mess.  I took the kids to school and stopped to get something to eat.  I looked over to see a Dad holding his baby and the baby grabbing his nose.  How I long for a hug from my father, to hear one more story, to sing one more song.  My dad was a man of character, of unflinching love for his family and those around him.  If he offended you he apologized, if you needed money he would give you his last dollar.  There is no need to exaggerate anything about him for he was consistent.  I know he's in Heaven, that is a hard pill for some to swallow as Heaven is fairy tale to people I know.  Why believe in the alternative? 

Dad took a road that is less and less traveled as we get older, where men stand for things, help others, show compassion, slow to judge, shake hands, look people in the eye.  He may not have sat you down and had long conversations about life, but he worked and he helped and he showed his love every day.  Today my mom struggles with his passing as they were a team, partners in a life that at times was rough but filled with so many lasting loving memories.  So I am going to end this now and go buy her some flowers.  If you should happen to think of it today, pray for my Mom and tell your parents you love them.

Two Dollars

Once or twice a month, is our visit to Remke's for "Donut Day"  Recent events have slowed that time before school, but with Payten's declaration of "Needing to get back on a donut schedule" I decided to take them there this morning.  It can be a bit of an adventure taking 4 kids inside anywhere, especially with toy machines placed at the entrance to the building, but today was a bit more organized than most.  Typically there is a particular lady at the counter (Known as donut Lady) who helps us but today was a man, who seemed not as interested in my children's questions about cake design.  With our donuts and hand and soon our milks (pink milk unavailable), we made our way to the cash register.  After paying for our items we noticed 3 receptacles wanting a donation.  Katrina had earned 2 dollars picking up somethings and was quite excited to help one of those 3 places when an Idea popped into her mind.

Daddy do you think your friends need two dollars?

What friends cuddles (my name for her since she was 4 days old i make no apologies)

Your friends that got hurt by the tornado?

I try to give my children encouragement whenever I can and I was overwhelmed with the selflessness of her statement.  I offered to give two dollars in place of hers, but she insisted it be her two dollars that was given.  Every little bit matters, every moment matters, I would humbly ask that if you read this, find a way to make a difference for those who have lost everything.  Every dollar counts if you are 6 or 106.

Why I became a foster parent

Too cute kitties is on Animal Planet.  Best way to describe it is an hour of cats being born (from their eggs, Payten says).  Erin is asleep in the chair and the eyes of my 3 girls are transfixed on the kitties running and jumping.  Id like to say the whole time I was enthusiastic about watching it, but as the children began to drift asleep..I...just...want....to...reach....the remote.  As I went to grab the remote Payten was still awake and as she saw the climax of the show, where the cats are given to good homes she said, "oh kitties I hope you find a good mommy and daddy like I have"  I am aware at some point my children will mutate into curling iron (people still use those right?) makeup maniacs.  Even now I begin to see Katrina really interested in wanting to look "like a princess." I hold out hope that Serena will be the protector of her brothers and sisters, and Collin, I just want to survive :-)  I became a foster parent to try to make a difference in someones life, but they have made all the difference in mine.  Make no mistake, I am clumsy, goofy, and can have moments where I'm lucky to even get out the door each morning, so If I can be a foster/adoptive parent anyone can.....provided you pass the background check of course.

The girl from Rifle Range Road

I still get the feeling in the pit of my stomach when you approach me, the butterflies of the hope of a kiss from you.  I still suck in my gut when I am near you in the hopes that you find what I am trying to pass as a fashionable look worthy of a smile from you.  You have a quiet sense of humor that makes me smile and a tenderness that you try to hide.  I have given you card after card, sang songs, made meals and tried my best to be your best friend.  You are inspirational I can only imagine how much more amazing you will become when you finally lose the weight that has become the one stumbling block for you to see yourself as I have always seen you.  Beautiful, Compassionate & Strong.  You work in a field that gets a bad rap, fostered and adopted 4 kids and taking care of nieces and nephews when needed.  You may drive me just a little crazy but marriage is work and not all sunshine and rainbows.  I wish I can give you so much more, but till then, I love you Erin and Happy Birthday.

Horse Coconuts

When I started this blog I intended it to be an encouraging blog, filled with smiles and laughter in hopes of avoiding or at the very least diffusing the insanity.  So how about some humor today.

Some of my favorite times being a parent are the trips I take in the morning to drop them off at school.  We sing songs, talk about lunch and other thoughts from today's guest Serena.

There is a horse up on a hill near the school where my children attend.  We have named this horse sally and the girls are concerned whenever Sally is outside when it rains or snows.  Daddy someone needs to find that horse a nice home or a coat.  Today when had this exchange

Daddy, I really want a horse, but I would like a girl horse (Sure boy horses are always left out)

Well, I don't think we have room for the horse.... (Refinancing for the hay alone.....maybe a reverse mortgage)

Well daddy I want a lady horse because it will lay an egg and hatch a baby horse right????

Uhhhhh (Pegasus?!??)

As we arrived to school a little early I did what I call "Daddy driving school"  where the girls take turns sitting on my lap and we drive circles in the parking lot them at the wheel, me on the gas.  Serena and I notice a particular tree and I comment on how nice it is and she says to me

"Do you know that tree has coconuts in it? (Kentucky Coconuts!!!)

Uhhh (A common response)

It does daddy we pick them up every day!

Thankful for my kids who do so much for me without even knowing it

Silent Cries

Driving home last night I was struggling to help my nephew who is staying with us for a little bit.  He was missing his mommy and his friends and his Papaw "Super bad."  I tend to deal with adversity with humor or fatty foods but during this time all I could do was hold his hand.  His cries grew stronger as told me how he was "Papaws 1st grandson" and just wanted to talk to him for just one more minute.  The funny thing is I was feeling that pain of sorts in my stomach and all around me since his passing.  Other unforeseen complications have sought to instead of taking the wind out of my sails, sink the boat all together.  I prayed aloud just asking the Lord for comfort, but when you hit that wave of frustration and despair its easy to just close your eyes and just let the waves keep hitting.  Here was the 6 year old boy struggling, all I could do was love him.

We parked the car and just before we get out he says to me.  "You know what uncle Kev?"  "What Bud?"  When Papaw died everyone told Mamaw "So sorry for your loss".....nobody told me that they just rubbed my head.

Like a punch to the gut....

So sorry for your loss my buddy was the only thing I could push out of my mouth at that moment, just dumbstruck by the statement.

Thank you Uncle Kev, I sure do love you

6yr olds teaching 37yr olds every day.

Breathing through a straw

Trying to get back to some sense of normalcy seems to be a bit of a struggle.  As a child when I faced adversity I just dusted myself and moved on. I seem to be dusting myself these days with an already dirty brush.  So I intend to put some goals together for 2012 and see where we go.  I would say for me number 1 is that I lose weight.  I had made some progress but that has since stopped, and getting started again has been a bit of a pain.  Another goal would be to enjoy others more, I have what I consider a pretty enjoyable group of friends with a variety of ideas and opinions.  I enjoy discussion.  I also find myself with a desire to improve my fatherly/husband skills for this year, I believe there is always room for improvement.  Payten's desire is that I have more "armpit tickling time" with her, I intend to do this.  There just seems to be an awful lot to do, so maybe part of the recovery as it were is to keep busy and put effort towards more positive pursuits.  So lets see where this takes us and lets get moving again.